Like most girls, I dreamed of the day I would walk down the aisle in a beautiful white dress to the man I had always wished for. But my fairy tale had a slight issue because it’s hard to have the dream when there is no prince to be found. Literally, no man is to be found. It would feel like each time I would talk to my friends they would have a new guy in their life, even if it were momentarily. It wasn't a moment with someone better than a day alone? I did not understand why God was not sending me someone, but all my friends seemed to have someone. Then I thought, maybe it is because God can’t send me someone right now. I mean God could have run out of eligible bachelors or maybe God needed time to find someone right for me? No. It was the exact opposite. God needed time to make me right before he brought me someone.
When I had this epiphany that it wasn’t because God couldn’t, but because he simply wouldn’t, my posture drastically changed. I stopped praying Lord bring me my husband, but instead Lord prepare me to be a good wife. I was in a preparation phase of being molded into a good gift for God to give. Until I was content with just Jesus, he would never give me the desires of my heart, and that was a husband. But before this contentment overwhelmed me, I was annoyed. I was confused why all these Christian guys would always seem to look my direction, but actually be focused on the beautiful blonde behind me. Then Jesus spoke to my heart in that moment, “Isn’t it better to be pursued by the right guy full heartily than a million guys half heartily?” Wow. Thank you Jesus for wrecking my twisted perception of simply wanting attention for my selfish ego.
I realized during this period of singleness that my perspective of love needed to be radically altered. My past relationships were based on infatuated love. It was conditional. What can I get out of the relationship and how can he serve my needs? Yes, I am aware that sounds like a terrible thing to think, but it was the truth. However, Jesus showed me there are two types of love: infatuated and sincere. Sincere love will last a lifetime, but infatuated love lasts only a season. So now I needed to apply this. Infatuated love was temporary and every day it will fade a little more until it eventually becomes nonexistent. Sincere love is a choice. Sincere love is an effort of serving and attending someone else’s needs before your own. It does not waver easily and it does not fade as time reveals his flaws, it actually grows with time. In Ephesians 5 it says, “Love is extravagant, not cautious…Don’t love in order to get something but in order to give everything of ourselves.” I needed to stop filling myself with selfishness and start filling myself with selflessness.
Singleness turned out to be one of the greatest gifts. I learned it was the time of my life to take advantage of. I had endless time to do the work of God before I had a significant other or family to consider. I was able to go to Kenya & Uganda during my year of singleness, something I may not have done without the gift of singleness. So my advice at the end of the day is enjoy the gift that singleness is and don’t waste it. And when he does come along it will have been worth the wait. Trust me, he was undoubtedly worth the wait.
