I Don't Want To Settle Down

I Don't Want To Settle Down

...at least, not any time soon. Is that bad?

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You can hold your dreams of an engagement ring, white picket fences and three cute little kids all giving their best Instagram family pose. I might want that in ten years, but now, I'll smile and say, "no, thanks".

Is that so wrong? Because I feel like it is.

I won't lie, this idea (or lack thereof, I guess) makes me feel like I am deemed as one of those mean, crazy, lonely, potential cat ladies. Sometimes I think it makes me look heartless. Other times, I fear it makes me look undesirable. But hear me out. I hope you understand. I hope you know that none of this is true.

I just can't fathom it right now. Not even in five years.

Turns out, there is something I fear more than anything else. Or, maybe it's two.

Number one: not to be too dramatic, but sometimes I find myself lying awake at night, afraid that my life will turn out completely mediocre, and I'm not okay with that. I know it seems as if I should. I mean, this is the type of life that is constantly taught within the walls of school and everyday life.It's safe and cozy. Nothing is wrong with it. I know the idea of an ordinary life shouldn't terrify me, but it does.

Two: I am afraid of stopping and creating a real, solid life that I come home to everyday. I am afraid of settling down. I am afraid of it all. If I do, does that mean I have already given up on chasing my dream? Does it mean that I settled?

Surely it doesn't mean any of this. It has to be my mind playing games.

All the girls with those rings, new homes, and cute little kids seem happy. In fact, they all seem happier than I could even imagine. And, honestly, that's great for them. I wish them nothing but the best.

But that isn't for me.

I don't want it...yet.

I have dreams of becoming the mother that my children can look up to. I want them to see the results of hard work and dedication. I want to be able to tell them stories of things I have done- both the cool and the ones that make me want to hide.

(No lie, I want to be the boss mom that wears heels like a goddess. But, I guess, I need to learn how to walk in them first.)

So through all of the engagement rings, gender revels and wedding dresses that flood my social media feed, I have to stop and smile. Though it makes me feel behind, I know I'm just on time. I know what I want and who I want to be. But in order to become this person, I need time to work on my life.

Is that so wrong?

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It's Time To Thank Your First Roommate

Not the horror story kind of roommate, but the one that was truly awesome.
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Nostalgic feelings have recently caused me to reflect back on my freshman year of college. No other year of my life has been filled with more ups and downs, and highs and lows, than freshman year. Throughout all of the madness, one factor remained constant: my roommate. It is time to thank her for everything. These are only a few of the many reasons to do so, and this goes for roommates everywhere.

You have been through all the college "firsts" together.

If you think about it, your roommate was there through all of your first college experiences. The first day of orientation, wishing you luck on the first days of classes, the first night out, etc. That is something that can never be changed. You will always look back and think, "I remember my first day of college with ____."

You were even each other's first real college friend.

You were even each other's first real college friend.

Months before move-in day, you were already planning out what freshman year would be like. Whether you previously knew each other, met on Facebook, or arranged to meet in person before making any decisions, you made your first real college friend during that process.

SEE ALSO: 18 Signs You're A Little Too Comfortable With Your Best Friends

The transition from high school to college is not easy, but somehow you made it out on the other side.

It is no secret that transitioning from high school to college is difficult. No matter how excited you were to get away from home, reality hit at some point. Although some people are better at adjusting than others, at the times when you were not, your roommate was there to listen. You helped each other out, and made it through together.

Late night talks were never more real.

Remember the first week when we stayed up talking until 2:00 a.m. every night? Late night talks will never be more real than they were freshman year. There was so much to plan for, figure out, and hope for. Your roommate talked, listened, laughed, and cried right there with you until one of you stopped responding because sleep took over.

You saw each other at your absolute lowest.

It was difficult being away from home. It hurt watching relationships end and losing touch with your hometown friends. It was stressful trying to get in the swing of college level classes. Despite all of the above, your roommate saw, listened, and strengthened you.

...but you also saw each other during your highest highs.

After seeing each other during the lows, seeing each other during the highs was such a great feeling. Getting involved on campus, making new friends, and succeeding in classes are only a few of the many ways you have watched each other grow.

There was so much time to bond before the stresses of college would later take over.

Freshman year was not "easy," but looking back on it, it was more manageable than you thought at the time. College only gets busier the more the years go on, which means less free time. Freshman year you went to lunch, dinner, the gym, class, events, and everything else possible together. You had the chance to be each other's go-to before it got tough.

No matter what, you always bounced back to being inseparable.

Phases of not talking or seeing each other because of business and stress would come and go. Even though you physically grew apart, you did not grow apart as friends. When one of you was in a funk, as soon as it was over, you bounced right back. You and your freshman roommate were inseparable.

The "remember that one time, freshman year..." stories never end.

Looking back on freshman year together is one of my favorite times. There are so many stories you have made, which at the time seemed so small, that bring the biggest laughs today. You will always have those stories to share together.

SEE ALSO: 15 Things You Say To Your Roommates Before Going Out

The unspoken rule that no matter how far apart you grow, you are always there for each other.

It is sad to look back and realize everything that has changed since your freshman year days. You started college with a clean slate, and all you really had was each other. Even though you went separate ways, there is an unspoken rule that you are still always there for each other.

Your old dorm room is now filled with two freshmen trying to make it through their first year. They will never know all the memories that you made in that room, and how it used to be your home. You can only hope that they will have the relationship you had together to reflect on in the years to come.


Cover Image Credit: Katie Ward

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10 Things On My Bucket List That Just Might Inspire You To Make One, Too

Carpe diem!

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It is always surprising to me to see how many people my age don't have bucket lists. Though mine has changed constantly, one thing remains true: having a bucket list inspires me to work hard and make the items on the list happen and not to just wait around for them to cross themselves off my list. It is also a reminder, as harsh as it sounds, that living every day isn't a given, and we have to appreciate what we have and make the most of it.

So without further ado, here are some things on my bucket list—and maybe you'll want to add one of them on yours too!

1. Try every bagel at Bagel and Deli

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I'm a sucker for Bagel and Deli, but one goal is that before I graduate, I want to try every single bagel sandwich!

2. Meet Stevie Nicks

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I've always wanted to hug the gypsy queen!

3. Get a PhD in comparative literature

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This one is actually well underway at the moment: I'm currently starting an accelerated master's program in French while getting my BA in English Literature. I couldn't pick one or the other, so I am deciding that later on, I'll just pick both!

4. Complete El Camino

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I'm not exactly an outdoorsy girl, but I have heard from so many people that completing the El Camino trail is a transformative and spiritual experience.

5. Learn how to play the guitar solo in "Hotel California"

This is one of those really random ones, but I think it would be so amazing to be able to do this! It would really make me appreciate the music even more, that's for sure.

6. Go to a music festival

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Electric Forest or Coachella sounds like so much fun. I've always wanted to go to one of those and live out my boho dreams.

7. See a wild polar bear

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Not to be a downer, but I definitely would love to see one of these before it is too late.

8. Meet Paulo Coelho

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I've read a lot of his books and always enjoy how prophetic and wise he seems. I would love to get an autograph.

9. Go to every country in Europe

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I've had the tremendous opportunity to go to a few, but places like the Netherlands, Spain (for more than just a day), Portugal, and Luxembourg are at the top of this list.

10. Skydive

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This is probably a cliched thing to put on your list, but I think this definitely is something I'll want to do once before I die...if I can muster up enough courage to make the jump!

My list is a lot longer, but these are definitely ones that I will work my best to make happen! They may seem random, and they may seem impossible, but why not? We only have one life, so let's make it one that's worth living.

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