I Refuse to Settle

I Don't Want To Settle Down

...at least, not any time soon. Is that bad?

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You can hold your dreams of an engagement ring, white picket fences and three cute little kids all giving their best Instagram family pose. I might want that in ten years, but now, I'll smile and say, "no, thanks".

Is that so wrong? Because I feel like it is.

I won't lie, this idea (or lack thereof, I guess) makes me feel like I am deemed as one of those mean, crazy, lonely, potential cat ladies. Sometimes I think it makes me look heartless. Other times, I fear it makes me look undesirable. But hear me out. I hope you understand. I hope you know that none of this is true.

I just can't fathom it right now. Not even in five years.

Turns out, there is something I fear more than anything else. Or, maybe it's two.

Number one: not to be too dramatic, but sometimes I find myself lying awake at night, afraid that my life will turn out completely mediocre, and I'm not okay with that. I know it seems as if I should. I mean, this is the type of life that is constantly taught within the walls of school and everyday life.It's safe and cozy. Nothing is wrong with it. I know the idea of an ordinary life shouldn't terrify me, but it does.

Two: I am afraid of stopping and creating a real, solid life that I come home to everyday. I am afraid of settling down. I am afraid of it all. If I do, does that mean I have already given up on chasing my dream? Does it mean that I settled?

Surely it doesn't mean any of this. It has to be my mind playing games.

All the girls with those rings, new homes, and cute little kids seem happy. In fact, they all seem happier than I could even imagine. And, honestly, that's great for them. I wish them nothing but the best.

But that isn't for me.

I don't want it...yet.

I have dreams of becoming the mother that my children can look up to. I want them to see the results of hard work and dedication. I want to be able to tell them stories of things I have done- both the cool and the ones that make me want to hide.

(No lie, I want to be the boss mom that wears heels like a goddess. But, I guess, I need to learn how to walk in them first.)

So through all of the engagement rings, gender revels and wedding dresses that flood my social media feed, I have to stop and smile. Though it makes me feel behind, I know I'm just on time. I know what I want and who I want to be. But in order to become this person, I need time to work on my life.

Is that so wrong?

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To The Girl Who Isn't Graduating On Time, It Won't Feel Any Less Amazing When You Do

Graduating is something to be proud of no matter how long it takes you.

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To the girl who isn't graduating college "on time,"

I promise, you will get there eventually, and you will walk across that graduation stage with the biggest smile on your face.

You may have a different journey than the people you grew up with, and that is OKAY. You may have some twists and turns along the way, a few too many major changes, a life change, you may have taken most of a semester off to try to figure your life out, and you're doing the best you can.

Your family and your friends don't think less of you or your accomplishments, they are proud of your determination to get your degree.

They are proud of the woman you are becoming. They don't think of you as a failure or as someone any less awesome than you are. You're getting your degree, you're making moves towards your dreams and the life that you have always wanted, so please stop beating yourself up while you see people graduating college on time and getting a job or buying a car.

Your time will come, you just keep doing what you need to do in order to get on that graduation stage.

Your path is set out for you, and you will get there with time but also with patience. The place you're at right now is where you are supposed to be. You are going to thrive and you are going to be the best version of you when you graduate and start looking for a company that you will be proud to work for. Don't look on social media and feel less than, because at least you're still working towards your degree that you are finally passionate about. You will be prepared. You will be ready once the time comes and you cross the stage, move away, and start your journey in whatever field you're going into.

Don't question yourself, and be confident in your abilities.

With love,

A girl who isn't graduating on time

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Goodbye School, Hello Real World

I'm ready for ya!

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It's starting to hit me.

I've been in school, year after year, since kindergarten. Maybe even pre-school!

Now, I'm about to graduate with my bachelors in communication and I couldn't be more proud of myself. I'll say it. I often sugarcoat it or suppress it but d*mn it. I'm going to applaud myself. It was hard work. It took a lot of motivation, determination, (caffeine), and willpower to get to where I am today. I worked my ass off.

That being said, I can't help but think... What is life without due dates? What is life like without scrambling to turn in an assignment that's due at 11:59 PM? What is life like with actual sleep? Sleep? I don't know her.

Like I keep telling my boyfriend and my parents, I don't have it all figured out. At least not right now. But I will, and I'm in no rush to land my dream job right now. If anything, I want to take a year to myself. I want to travel. I want to sleep in if I d*mn well please! I want to read as many books as I want. I want to write till my fingers fall off (OK, maybe not that).

You get the jist.

I'm free. I can do and be whatever I want. And you know what? That's terrifying.

I'm lost. I've followed this structure for so long. Now what?

I don't have all the answers yet. But for now, at least right at this very moment, I'm so thankful to have been able to receive such an amazing education. And to be able to say I'm graduating with my bachelors in communication at 21 is an accomplishment in itself.

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