As I get older, and realize everything I went through was just a stepping stone into my maturing adulthood. I take a step back and realize just how grateful I was for once being so naive.
With my 25th birthday just two months away, I can't help but reflect just how young and naive I once felt. My mother would still call me young and naive, and maybe there's some truth to that. But, I've learned so much in just my few years of adolescence that has completely shifted my thinking. I was once 18 and inlove with someone who loved to be in control, who never saw me as a person. But, someone his actions and words could control that my gut feeling of him being a whore, were never true because he just knew how to spin his words. I felt worthy enough to be his one and only, when his pond was filled with more than just me.
That relationship taught me so much about myself that I'd have yet to learn for years to come. To never ever let someone have that much power or control over me, because I'm more than just someone's partner. I'm my own person with my own flaws and accomplishments I'm not here to be controlled. I've learned to never put someone before yourself, you can't be someone's everything they have to find their own happiness in other things. You have to love yourself and be confident enough in yourself to know what you want and what you'll accept from a partner.
I use to think I deserved someone yelling at me, and making me feel that my feelings weren't valid, and that being put in a box to act like a good little girl was okay. But, it is most certainly not and it took me years to finally break free from that control, and it has never felt so liberating. To finally be alone, and learn how to love myself all over again and finally have the space to be in control of my own life. Now, I've found someone who treats me as an equal rather than someone he wants to control. Who lets me speak my mind and informs me my feelings are always valid. Without the heart break and toxic relationship I would've known the difference, and I'm grateful for that experience to finally understand I know what I want and what I deserve. To anyone in a toxic relationship now, you're strong enough