If you're a woman, or you know a woman, there isn't any way that you've escaped the societal expectation that being a woman must mean that not only are you going to be a mother one day. But that must be something that you inherently want as part of your future because you were born with a uterus. This isn't the first time I've talked about this topic of motherhood being forced onto women regardless of their age, class, race, sexuality, or their general desire to have children. However, the farther I progress in life, the more I seem to run into people who can't handle the fact that when I picture my future, it doesn't involve children.

Just to be clear: I don't hate kids. I think they can be overwhelming sometimes, but believe me, I feel that way about plenty of adults, too. Particularly the adults who are constantly trying to convince me that somewhere deep inside me, there is a mother waiting to be awoken. I assure you, there isn't. I love kids-- I think they're funny and innocent, and the fact that I've made a fair share of babies smile by making a fish-face warms my heart more than you can believe. I have a niece and I love her more than words can describe. I really do like kids.

I still don't want them, though.

People can't seem to reconcile the fact that I like kids and the fact that I don't want them. (I'm using "I" but there are plenty of other women in this very same position. This is a personal problem but it is also a social one.) Those two things can coexist. It's possible to absolutely adore children but not want to raise your own. But for some reason, there is still this constant pressure to have children be a part of your grand life plan.

When I picture my future, I see myself in a stable relationship, living in a small-to-medium sized house, with a couple cats and a couple dogs, and I have a job that makes me want to get out of bed in the morning. There have ever been kids in that picture, though. There isn't anything wrong with that. There isn't anything wrong with a woman not wanting to be a mother, but for some reason everyone feels like they have to make an argument out of a woman choosing, of her own volition, to not have children.

Let me tell you, it's exhausting. I'm only 21 and the number of debates I've gotten into over this is obscene and I'm already very very tired of it. But still, I march on. Hopefully discussing how ridiculous it is will help shed some light on the fact that people need to keep in mind that whether or not a woman chooses to have kids usually will have close to zero impact on the person who is telling them that they should have them.

I've heard many different arguments about my stance on not wanting children. I've heard, "When you're older you'll change your mind," or "Once you're in a stable relationship you'll think differently." I have even heard, "Eventually you'll want something of your own to nurture," (um, hello? Did I not mention puppies and kittens two paragraphs ago?), and many other flimsy reasonings as to why I, or any woman, should want to have children. The one that has irked me the most recently is, "But you would be such a good mom!"

While I know this is meant to be complimentary (and also meant to make me change my mind on my anti-baby-having stance) it drives me nuts. It drives me nuts because it's not true. I'm not saying that I'm not a caring, somewhat nurturing individual. You should see how well I take care of my drunk friends, my sad friends, and also my cat. I am great at taking care of people who need to be taken care of. But I still don't want to be a mom, and my nurturing aspects don't outweigh that fact.

I wouldn't be a good mom because I don't want to be a mom at all.

Parenthood is a lifelong obligation, and it is one that a lot of people joyfully jump into, and that is great. But the idea of parenthood doesn't incite some fiery passion in me. I'm not excited by the idea of being a mom. I am not passionate about being a mom or having kids and for that reason alone I would not be a good mom. Children deserve all the love and care that this crazy world can give them-- I firmly believe that. I believe that whole-heartedly and that's why I know I wouldn't be a good mother. I’ve always said that if the idea of being a parent and having children doesn’t bring you indescribable joy, you should really rethink becoming a parent. Being a nurturing person doesn’t automatically mean that you are cut out for parenthood. It certainly helps, but it doesn’t mean you need to have kids.

I’m tired of being told that I need to have kids for any reason, but especially because someone, and it’s always someone who wouldn’t have to help raise said child, thinks that I would be a good mother. Why would you tell someone who doesn’t want kids to be a parent? It’s like telling someone who doesn’t want to put up with children all day to become an elementary school teacher—it’s just a bad idea. No one wins in that scenario. The same goes for trying to make women who don’t want kids think that they do want them.

Being caring by nature isn’t enough to qualify someone as a good parent, and someone telling me that I would be a good mother doesn’t make me want to have kids. If a woman doesn’t want kids, don’t try and convince her otherwise. Stop trying to convince people who don’t want children to have them, because all that is going to do it make everyone involved in that scenario miserable, and everyone deserves better than that.