I Don't Want This Phone Anymore
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

I Don't Want This Phone Anymore

"If you spend your whole life listening and watching other people's stories, when will you ever have the attention span to create your own?"

510
I Don't Want This Phone Anymore

I do not want this phone anymore.

I have a Galaxy Note 5. Ever since the Iphone came out and my sister got one, I vowed to never repeat her same mistake. It wasn't the average sister-rivalry, not that we ever had that, I just witnessed the slow way it consumed her. I thought perhaps it was her growing up, distance had started to expanded between us. It was not all that big but big enough for me to notice. I think it's gotten past the point where one would call this an overreaction because ever since then, it happened again and again with more people I know as the Iphone became more popular. It's not just the Iphone either, it's smart phones and all that comes with them, the social media bullshit mostly.

It's a scene too familiar to all of us, standing in a group of people then looking up to see that everyone around you is looking down. It makes me sick, honestly. It isn't that I spend a significant amount of time on my phone, but when I do, then I pull myself away, the world around me looks and feels different. Sometimes, recently, I look up and the real world look more like the virtual one, and the virtual one looks more real. I have yet to own an Iphone because I have watched so many people I know become part of their's. When they get it, it's all pictures and videos, social media and trending. It's probably one of the most frightening addiction of this generation, because it is silence and socially accepted. It's a disease we all have, maybe that's why it's accepted.

One summer, I got a tiny, little TracFone. I had no social media, likely to the fact that I was ten years old and Facebook was still rolling downhill, picking up speed. It was the year my sister got her Iphone and my bitter resentment of it caused me to ask my mother for a phone opposing everything that the Iphone was. It took my sister's attention and every fiber of my being wanted revenge in the form of boycott. It was also an experiment, I suppose, much like a lot of things in my life. At this young age, I was already curious as to who cared enough to call, to legitimately talk to me like a person. I didn't care to be caught up in the attention and instant gratification of having everything and everyone's opinions at my fingertips at all times. In recollection, I see that summer as a liberating time (even if I didn't fully appreciate it then,) because I went into the next year of school completely detached and indifferent to the comments of others. My life was not yet on display.

I found my first phone recently, and charged it up for a quick dose of nostalgia. I found terribly taken photos, terribly taken probably because they were taken only for me and my viewing, no one else's. I found that I want to take pictures on a shitty camera, with their blurriness accurately depicting reality. I miss the times where I didn't care who texted me, who liked a photo. God, the scene of aesthetics we create for the people we want to impress is not reality. Maybe that's why I don't recognize it when I see it anymore. I want to see some normal, ugly, boring Tuesday mornings where I wake up, stretch, and walk past my phone. I want to not hesitate to leave the house without it as I walk into that Tuesday morning in yucky, late January. I don't want to have this need to be constantly entertained.

We sit there on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, or whatever they will toss at us next, toss at us like hyenas starving for attention or distraction. We sit there, some people for hours a day, and do nothing! Imagine if you walked into your house and saw your brother staring at the wall. Imagine asking him how long he'd been there and him saying "a couple hours" nonchalantly. You would think he's crazy! There is barely a difference. Why is it crazier to sit in the stillness of your our mind than to stare at a screen with pretty moving colors? Are we afraid that we cannot handle just existing for once? Am I?

We liked pictures and videos of people doing amazing things, thinking we are being inspired, but truthfully, we are still just sitting there. Immobile and rotting. It came to the point where I was like "Mindy, if you spend your whole life listening and watching other people's stories, when will you ever have the attention span to create your own?"

I don't want this phone anymore, I want my silly little TracPhone that was always just enough to get by. I'm still curious as to who would care enough to call me, to ask me about how my life is going, when there are no pictures to keep them updated. I don't want a Facebook, or an Instagram, or a Snapchat anymore, but it feels like I can't get free. I'm bound by contract to keep this phone for two more years. The saddest fact of them all is that I don't know if anyone would call, because people don't really know how to do that anymore. Most people my age are too far gone, lost with no care to be found. I don't know if I'm there yet, at the level where I see some people, and I cannot tell if that is a good or a bad thing because most people like that don't even know they are.

There are some good features too though, right? There must be. It's a great way of connecting to new people and staying connected to family and friends. My issue with this is that if they aren't willing to keep up with you directly, are they actually worth it? Probably not. Vise verse for you as well. Hell, not connecting through the internet might actually force people to get hobbies and go outside and, you know, make friends in person. Oh god forbid. Maybe it's just a great way for people to store memories, which was why I got an Instagram in the first place. I wanted to document my last year in Pennsylvania, but now that I think about it, I could have made an epic scrapbook, and pushed my creative boundaries.

I'm really trying to find the silver-lining, people, I really am, but I think it's gonna have to come down to one action. I'm gonna ride out the rest of this contract then go get my TracPhone back. I miss her dearly. I'll print out the pictures from my Instagram, there is still time for a scrapbook yet! I'll send my number to everyone I think may want to call me then delete my social media. I'll go outside on a Tuesday morning and smile at the unaesthetic sky, perhaps even begin to love the world for how she truly looks. I'll sit in my meditation to find refuge from this obvious fear of my own mind that I've been hiding from in the mindless scrolling through pictures and YouTube videos. Maybe I'll buy a camera to make the moments I want to capture, just for me, sacred again. I just want to know what it's like to be human, not a robot.

Maybe I'm exaggerating, maybe not, but it's certainly is a good question to pose.

If I disappear, don't be worried. At least you'll have your answer.


Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Health and Wellness

Exposing Kids To Nature Is The Best Way To Get Their Creative Juices Flowing

Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers

1115343

Whenever you are feeling low and anxious, just simply GO OUTSIDE and embrace nature! According to a new research study published in Frontiers in Psychology, being connected to nature and physically touching animals and flowers enable children to be happier and altruistic in nature. Not only does nature exert a bountiful force on adults, but it also serves as a therapeutic antidote to children, especially during their developmental years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard

Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming.

707080
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story.

Keep Reading... Show less
Entertainment

Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie

Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series

731229
Netflix

Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? Nope? Just me? Oh, how I doubt that.

I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating

I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story.

471187
Photo by Manny Moreno on Unsplash

Every single one of us has a story.

I don't say that to be cliché. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

How Young Feminists Can Understand And Subvert The Internalized Male Gaze

Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed. (P.S. justice for Megan Fox)

289180
Paramount Pictures

Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. As we mature, we experience realizations of the perpetual male gaze.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

It's Important To Remind Yourself To Be Open-Minded And Embrace All Life Has To Offer

Why should you be open-minded when it is so easy to be close-minded?

430751

Open-mindedness. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded. I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. I oftentimes struggle with this myself.

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

14 Last Minute Valentine's Day Gifts Your S.O. Will Love

If they love you, they're not going to care if you didn't get them some expensive diamond necklace or Rolex watch; they just want you.

289466

Let me preface this by saying I am not a bad girlfriend.

I am simply a forgetful one.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

10 Helpful Tips For College Students Taking Online Courses This Semester

Here are several ways to easily pass an online course.

194665
Photo by Vlada Karpovich on Pexels

With spring semester starting, many college students are looking to take courses for the semester. With the pandemic still ongoing, many students are likely looking for the option to take online courses.

Online courses at one time may have seemed like a last minute option for many students, but with the pandemic, they have become more necessary. Online courses can be very different from taking an on-campus course. You may be wondering what the best way to successfully complete an online course is. So, here are 10 helpful tips for any student who is planning on taking online courses this semester!

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments