I remember International Women's Day last month. Social media was flooded with poems and inspirational posts about female empowerment and equality for all. One poem, in particular, caught my attention; it was one by Rupi Kaur, which apologized for calling women 'pretty' before calling them anything else. A friend of mine recently sent another friend and I this poem along with a few others and told us that the poem's reminded her of us. She pointed me towards Kaur poem, as she lamented the fact that much of a woman's amazing character is overlooked in favor of her appearance.

While I agree with that sentiment, I can't say I've experienced it firsthand. To my knowledge, I have never once been called pretty. I have been told that I was wearing a pretty dress or shirt. I've been told that I look pretty, but that has never been the first thing a person says to compliment me. Typically a person will tell me I'm quirky or talkative before they'll mention my appearance. My family usually prefers the term beautiful, I vaguely remember one of my family members telling me "people are beautiful, objects are pretty." This mentality has followed me as I've grown into a young woman. I've grown to treat the word pretty as almost an insult. If that is the first thing a person says about someone, then it diminishes the value of a person, because you have no control over the features you have and it places an uncontrolled aesthetic over other more valued aspects of a person.

This brings me back to the statement I made earlier about never being called pretty. My family always complimented me and my brother on our hard work and accomplishments, which taught me the value of things lay beneath the surface. I have tried my best to focus on my character rather than my appearance so no person would dare call me pretty before they called me intelligent or bright or kind or funny. I am lucky to be surrounded by people who choose to judge based on character, and I am lucky to have parents and family members who taught me to project my character into the world, so it was the first thing many people saw if they chose to look.

Unfortunately, women find themselves judged harshly on their appearance both in everyday life and in the media. Not to say that men are not objectified, but it is more obvious when examining the treatment of women in society. Women who are 'pretty' are placed on a pedestal as some standard of beauty that all women should aspire to be. Women who are accomplished and educated receive criticism based on their work, but just as often, they receive criticism on their wardrobe choices and their haircuts or makeup choices. This minimizes the contributions of women to society and their role in society.

If there is to be true equality for the genders, then the media will need to either devote just as much column space to men's appearances as they do to the appearance of women or as a society, we need to work towards focusing on a person's soul or character rather than their appearance. I have amazing friends whose hearts and souls are full of so much passion and life, and they deserve to be seen as more than just pretty. We all do. Pretty should never be a person's defining characteristic. Pretty should be the last word that falls from our mouths after we have exhausted every other non-superficial word to describe the people we love. My friends are more than pretty, pretty can't even touch my friends. They're spectacular, kind, considerate, fierce, funny, intelligent, loving, and beautiful people. We are so much more than pretty and thank you, Rupi Kaur, for reminding us.

(Just in case the image was cut off from above, here is the inspiring poem by Rupi Kaur)