"13 Reasons Why" is quickly rising in popularity and I am actually incredibly happy about it. If you haven’t gotten the chance to watch the series or read the book I would highly recommend it. It’s an important series about a girl who commits suicide and it sends monumental waves through the community, as a suicide should. It’s real, it’s powerful, and it’s moving. It’s not like the other cliché movies and television shows about teen suicide and bullying. It’s not sugar-coated and makes you feel.
I’m bothered because while I am happy that the show is receiving so much traffic, reactions I’m seeing on Facebook and social media are exactly why other shows and movies revolving around suicide are so cliché. I see people left and right trying to find themselves in these characters. Treating them like “spirit animals.” “Oh my God Clay is TOTALLY my spirit animal. He’s my fav fictional character for sure in the history of ever!!! I can relate to him so hard.”
What? You WANT to relate to someone who had their friend kill themselves and then let people know WHY she did it? You WANT to experience the world shattering news of the loss of a loved one? You want to slowly go insane trying to figure out why they’re gone? If you can relate to this then I am so sorry you had to go through it but for the people I see posting about it, it’s all glorifying the idea that depression and insanity is something desirable. You shouldn't want to feel what they feel. It's one thing if you already experience what they do, but if you're digging really deep into their character and looking for characteristics of them in yourself I would advise you to stop.
With that said I CAN relate to Hannah Baker. I experienced EVERYTHING she did BUT my experiences are still very different from hers. Emotionally and mentally – I get it. But I won’t go around proudly announcing empathy for this character who has been through literal Hell and back. That’s what everyone experienced in the series. Hell and back.
You don’t want to relate to Jessica. You don’t want to relate to Alex. You don’t want to relate to Marcus or Courtney or Bryce or Justin or ANYONE for that matter. If you’re watching the series and ignoring the big picture then there’s an issue. If the reasoning behind you liking the series is because “the characters are sooooo relatable” then you should check yourself. Because they aren’t supposed to be relatable.
You’re supposed to feel FOR them, you’re not supposed to feel LIKE them. You’re supposed to be gathering an understanding of how an entire community is impacted by a suicide, because realistically every single person in a community is somehow impacted by such a tragic event. Each character feels something different. They’re selfish and will do anything to make sure that in the end they end up okay. There’s less worry for the person who’s gone. That’s what’s supposed to bother you.
Watching it or reading the book, you should be thinking “Wait this girl is gone and people are more worried about their futures than the one they destroyed! I think that’s a problem!” Because that is the REALISM behind this. You see characters develop and you see how they attempt to justify their actions by saying “SHE took everything too seriously; it was just a joke.” There are so many instances of victim-blaming and THAT is always brought up in meetings.
Your heart should be racing and you should be feeling a plethora of emotions and not trying to relate to the characters. By all means, sympathize with them. But do not downplay these events and characters by saying they’re “so you” because they really aren’t. You watch these kids put up posters and try to raise awareness AFTER there’s an instance of suicide. That’s something to pay attention to. There are SO many small, yet very important, observations you should be making.
I want you to re-watch it or re-read it or even both and instead of trying to follow your “favorite, relatable character.” I want you to look at ALL of the characters and what THEY’RE going through. Forget about your life while you read/watch "13 Reasons Why" and see how much they struggle. I’ll tell you right now: if you were talking to any of these characters in a real-life setting and you managed to squeak out “I completely understand,” they will not hesitate to tell you otherwise. They WILL shoot you dirty and confused looks. They will ask you “Are you serious?” And they will proceed to ignore your existence.
When you focus on one character you miss out on the genuine importance of the series, because it's A VERY IMPORTANT series.There have been a number of other articles going around explaining the importance of it so I won't dive into why I think it's such an important series. I just want people to know that the series extends beyond the characters and trying to find yourself in them. I understand that these are fictional characters, but you should also understand that it's trying to be conveyed that every single person is deeply impacted by what happened.
There should be no "Would Clay Date You?" or "'Which 13 Reasons Why' character would be your BFF?" quizzes. We shouldn't try to make light of the message. We shouldn't ignore any aspect of this. Let this series speak to you, don't try to speak to it.
Watch the series. Read the book. Cry. Feel. Understand. Don't try to relate. If you do then you do, but don't go out of your way. You don't want to feel what these kids feel.
