Recently, I took my weekly trip to Wal-Mart, a normal routine for me. I was wearing the plainest clothing you could wear: leggings, a crewneck sweatshirt, a minimal amount of makeup, and my hair up in a messy bun. Not your typical “sexy” outfit, to say the least. I just happened to turn around as I approached the store and saw a man trailing close behind. I figured he was just getting his groceries like me and everyone else there that day, so I didn’t question his intentions… until I heard him speak. “Damn! Look at you! You so fine." This is an all too common occurrence in college these days. What was supposed to be a quick, routine trip to the store turned into an uncomfortable, embarrassing situation. I decided that I was fed up with catcalling, harassment, objectification and degradation in this overly sexualized society.
Before I really dig deep into this post, be aware that this is not meant to be a political post. I am not a feminist, nor is this meant strictly towards women. What I am stressing in this article is the discomfort I feel all women and men alike can relate to—whether you’re feminist, not feminist, liberal, or conservative—this applies to all of us as a society collectively. I am not bashing one gender over the other, either. Sometimes women and men both behave inappropriately in a sexual manner in public. Members of both genders are to blame here. This is not to say that this behavior is bad in every context, either. If you are in a relationship where this is your kind of thing, I understand and don't judge. It is when it is unsolicited and from a stranger that it becomes a problem. What we need to do is teach everyone, as a society, a little bit of respect and responsibility and that people are people, not objects.
If you see someone you find attractive wearing clothing they feel comfortable in out in public, it is not necessary to comment on how “sexy” or “hot” they are. If they feel comfortable in their body, they will not need your idea of validation in the form of a sexual comment. Or if it’s an attractive guy with 6 pack abs and you’re jealous, you do not need to degrade him and call him derogatory terms like “faggot” or “pretty boy” because of how he looks. Why even comment on things so trivial as outward appearance? People are not items up for auction that you can place a bid on if they look good enough. We are people who have emotions and fight our own demons every day. Don’t add to daily stresses by dehumanizing someone.
If a person is trying to better their life by working out and engaging in healthy habits, you do not need to watch them as they work out and comment about how “hot” their body is getting. Do not stare at them as they do their thing because frankly, it's uncomfortable and they know you’re watching them like a creeper. People don’t like to be stared at and salivated over like a piece of meat. Working out is just one example of how people express their individuality and lifestyle, and your comments and hovering take that individuality away and objectify it. Let them be and fantasize about something more productive, like getting a college education.
If you are drunk and you see an equally drunk member of the opposite sex, don't make a comment about what you’d like to do to them to your buddy and go try to “get to know them.” We all know what your real intentions are here. You want to take advantage of someone who had a little too much fun and couldn't handle their alcohol. Even if they're not all that drunk after all, if you've been drinking and want to "have a good time," forget it. Don't follow them and don't ask for their number, because you quickly become a predator in their mind and it scares them. Alcohol does not make you as invincible as you believe and is certainly not an excuse to harass someone. Don’t use drunkenness as an invitation to express your sexual desires at someone else's expense.
When you act in one of these manners towards someone and they retaliate, don’t further your own humiliation by trying to insult them. Calling someone “ugly” or a “bitch” or even getting physical and dumping a drink on them in a bar after they shut you down for your inappropriate actions further tells a story about your character. It does not make you look better; it makes you look like a crybaby. You may think it will rebuild your injured ego, but it is more likely you will still feel look and feel stupid after you do it (even more so than before), so don't even bother. Take a page from the kindergartener’s handbook and “treat people like you want to be treated.”
If you take anything from this, take away the fact that our society has created a norm that is NOT OKAY. Think about your future daughter or son. Do you not feel sick imagining someone thinking or saying these inappropriate things to your child? If you have any sort of morals, it should. I get that we are college students who like to have fun these days, but there is a fine line between having fun and being disgusting, tasteless, and downright creepy. Be the person who sets an example for others that this new culture is unacceptable. It’s up to us to make a difference and change our behavior.
*Special thanks to my friends Ali Skinner (University of Missouri), Savannah Corrona (University of Indianapolis), Alexa Cardinal (University of Southern Indiana), and Garrett Lamb (Indiana University) for their contributions to this article!
