I was 12-years-old when my grandmother first told me that if I wanted to have a boyfriend, I needed to be pretty. Hair, makeup, nails, jewelry. If you didn’t look the part, you wouldn’t have a suitor, let alone someone who would want to spend the rest of their life with you.

She added that even though I was an intelligent, funny and a kind person, it would be my appearance that solidified a significant other.

Though my grandmother wasn’t entirely wrong—physical attraction is indeed a large part of a romantic relationship—she did minimize the importance of the other qualities I have.

And that’s not okay.

Women both young and old, famous or not, have been told that they need to be pretty, that their physical appearance reigns supreme in comparison to the other characteristics they may hold.

Even women competing in the Olympics right now are being ridiculed or praised for their beauty or lack thereof, as opposed to their talent and athletic ability—the things that actually got them to the greatest stage in the world.

I understand the significance of an outward appearance in our society, but there are many other qualities I think I need to have that are much more important than just being pretty.

I need to be strong and intelligent, with a good head on my shoulders.

I am a woman with two bachelor’s degrees looking to go into a field that is dominated by men, and has been for decades. I need to be strong in both mind and character to hold my own and show my true potential. Though I do not have a Y chromosome like my male counterparts, I am just as capable of being as successful as they are. The world we live in is changing, and I plan on being a part of that change.

I need to be confident.

I am more than my body, the clothing I wear and the makeup I put on my face. I need to be self-assured in who I am as a person, what my morals are, who I want to be around. I need to be myself and be proud of who I choose to be.

I need to be independent.

I don’t want to have to rely on anyone in this world. I want to be able to do things on my own. I want to take the world by storm and make a name for myself. I don’t want to have to count on my boyfriend or husband to support me. Because when it comes down to it, I am the only person that I can truly count on.

I need to do what’s best for me.

If it means ending relationships that aren’t beneficial anymore, quitting a job that no longer suits my needs or taking time off to figure out what I want to do in life, I’m going to do it. It doesn’t matter if someone else approves of it or not.

I am the owner of my body. I am in control of my life. I will make my own decisions. And if a boy can’t understand that I'm going to be my own person, then he is not needed in my life.

There are many things I need to be in this world.