I’m twenty-two years old, and I’ve never been on a date. I’ve never had a guy who’s been into more than just sleeping with me. I’ve never had a guy text me just to say good night, good morning, or just to ask how my day’s going. I’ve never had someone genuinely interested in me. In my experience, it seems they all want one thing; to have sex and then never talk to me ever again. Sure, I talk to some guys off and on, but from the beginning, they always say they want to just hook up and I’m really not that kind of girl. Some guys I tell right away I’m not into that, others I flirt around the idea, never really saying I’m not just a hook-up, but making every excuse in the book not to hang out because I know what they want. It’s always a 1 or 2 am text or snap that reads, “Hey what’s up?” or “What are you doing?” and my favorite, “Come over” that gets me laughing. No, I’m not coming over to your house at 1 in the morning to “Hang out”…. sorry not sorry; but I don't Netflix and chill. Some of these guys ask me, and I’ve never even met them before. I’ll ask them if we can meet in the daytime or out in public and they say they don’t have time or prefer their own house. It’s the same thing over and over again. Sometimes I wonder what’s wrong with me, why can’t someone just want me for more than the night. Why don’t they want to get to know me? Take me out? It's constant battle in my head that goes on asking these questions daily.
Everyone says don’t look for love; you’ll find it when you’re not looking for it or least expect it. But how can you not look for it when you want it so bad. As you can see, I’ve never had anything close to it. Sure I’ve had crushes, boys that I’ve loved, but they never have returned the feelings. Also, it’s so hard when a good chunk of my friends all have boyfriends they are wrapped up in. Around me, they act like, oh you don’t want a boyfriend it’s so much effort or you’ll find someone someday. And all I hearing coming out of their mouth then is blah blah blah... They then question the type of guys that I like, saying if I keep going for the same type, I’ll keep getting the same results. Well, sorry not sorry, but I like the cocky athletic type of guys. It’s just what I’m attracted to. I’m open to all different types of guys, but it just happens every guy I fall for or like a lot; they all have the same qualities. But my friends still don’t get it, they have someone who loves them, someone who took the time to get to know them; they had someone who took a chance on them. They got lucky. They don’t understand the struggle I face of constantly wondering if I’m good enough for someone. Even before they had boyfriends, they had guys all over them. Asking to hang out, texting them all the time etc… I’m lucky if a guy texts me for two days straight, and I’ve never had even a guy friend even ask me to get dinner or see a movie. I’m not going to lie I struggle, and I am jealous of them.
I constantly get told I don’t need a man to make myself happy. I know that, and I am perfectly fine without one. I go out to dinner by myself, I go to movies alone, I do things all the time with just me, myself, and I. But, I’m getting to a point where I don’t want to. I’m a hopeless romantic and all I want is someone to want me, a guy to go on adventures with and take my time. There is so much I want to do, and I just want someone beside me. I’m not saying we have to get married or make it forever; but let's live life and have fun. I want someone to show me off, be proud of me, be there for me, and be my best friend. I want to annoy a guy, challenge him, love him, be there for him; supporting him in anything he does. I want someone special in my life. If it doesn't work out okay, I'm glad we tried, but if it does; who knows what could happen? Just take a chance on me. I know my day will come, and someday hopefully soon, I will meet a guy that will sweep me off my feet. But, until then, I will keep looking for him, because I strongly believe he’s looking for me too, it’s just a matter of time. No, I don't need a boyfriend; but I want one really bad.
