Don't Let Your Past Haunt You

Don't Let Your Past Haunt You

Getting in bed means that I am alone with my thoughts. My brain overloads me with ideas of what could have been.
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I can’t remember a time where I was excited to go to bed. For me, getting in bed means that I am alone with my thoughts. When they finally reach the surface, I’m overcome with regret.

I usually try to drown them out by playing games on my phone until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore, but that doesn’t always work. My brain overloads me with ideas of what could have been. No matter how hard I try to figure out an ideal situation, it dawns on me: I can’t change the past.

The “past” is a weird thing. It could indicate five minutes or fifteen years ago. Somehow, the memories of everything that has happened and all that you have learned are crammed into your brain. Sadly, that is exactly what keeps me up at night and distracts me during the day. But those memories of the past contribute to who I am now. And who I am now will impact who I am tomorrow.

Our lives are constantly being written into our own little history books. A diary that no one can ever read but you. Yet, that diary has some pages ripped out and some quotes smudged. Who knows what happened in between the important parts? Maybe that’s why they aren’t important. They fade with time because we shouldn’t be spending our energy focusing on those irrelevant moments.

Those evil thoughts that keep you awake at night will only make themselves known because they can tell that you are at your weakest. You’re exhausted and just want one thing: sleep. Your brain never stops going, though. It is constantly thinking, dreaming, and keeping you alive. It’s the definition of “can’t stop, won’t stop”.

But what if you could make it stop? Deciding to focus on the meaningful things that have made your life worth living will help you to rest easy. Imagine going to bed every night and feeling a sense of peace because your only thought is a time that you were truly at your best. I hope I’ll remember this as one of those times, because I’m pouring my nighttime thoughts onto a page, filling the blanks with words instead of worries.

Being alone with your thoughts sounds suffocating, but it doesn’t have to be a trap. Instead, use that time before falling asleep to reminisce about your favorite moments or to look forward to the future. My past has shown me that I will stay up way too late to evade my guilt-ridden memories. My goal is to be able to say that my present self is free of it all.

Cover Image Credit: pexels

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I'm The Person Who Always Says 'Yes' And I'm Tired Of It

I'm sorry for being blunt, but being a people pleaser is a tiring job.

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Being a people pleaser runs in my family. My mom and I talk about this weakness of ours all the time, especially when we are both worn out from saying "yes" too much.

When it comes to academics, I always go above and beyond to ensure I did everything correctly in order to please the professor or teacher. If there's ever an instance where I feel as if I can't meet or complete a task, my anxiety takes over and out comes a handy-dandy panic attack. Typically, this ends with tears rolling down my cheeks, a headache, and someone telling me to worry about myself and to not stress if it's hurting me too much (if they see me panicking, that is).

Me going to check off "handy-dandy panic attack" in my handy-dandy notebook after a long day.

As a high schooler, the game of saying "yes" was easy and somewhat manageable. In college, however, that game has changed, and it has changed drastically. There was something about non-stop work that was added in… not a fan.

I don't know why saying "yes" has always been instilled in me, but I cannot think of a time when I was not constantly saying "yes" to others. The moments you will always catch me saying "yes" are moments when it comes to helping someone. Sometimes I interject myself because I feel guilty if I don't offer the help.

Of course, there are instances when I truly mean the offer I give, but then there are other moments when I highly regret asking. There have been plenty of times where I have gotten myself into too many outings at once and my extroverted-introverted self becomes beyond angry with myself.

If I say "no" to someone, there's this sense of guilt that hangs over my head for at least a week and it doesn't go away.

While I enjoy making others happy in (almost) any way possible, I believe it is time for me to start saying "no." This does not mean I will be saying "no" to every single thing someone asks me to do, but rather, I'll take a second to think about how much time and energy will have to go into the whole situation before diving in headfirst.

My new slogan will be "Just say no… sometimes."

Instead of stressing over every detail of an assignment for class, I'll stress over the major details rather than the microscopic ones. Before I interject myself into a situation, I will take a moment and think about whether my help is even necessary or wanted. This will be no easy task, especially for this anxiety-ridden people pleaser, but I am going to do the best I can. The over-achiever in me needs to sit down, take a chill pill, and over-achieve in the category of saying "no."

For those who also say "yes" way too much: breathe. The world will be okay without our help, even if it feels like it won't.

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