Don't Let How You Used To Feel Confuse How You Feel Now
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Don't Let How You Used To Feel Confuse How You Feel Now

"There's one thing you canguarentee in life - a surplus of pain." -- Nick Cave

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Don't Let How You Used To Feel Confuse How You Feel Now
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At some point in your life, you will come across your first love. If you are engaged/married to this person, then this article is not for you (but please stick around and enjoy all I have to offer). But if you have someone in mind, someone who makes your heart fall into your stomach and your stomach fall out of your butt, then stick around... this article is DEFINITELY for you.

Like many before me and those poor unfortunate souls to come after me, I have fallen for the wrong guy time and time again, but there is one, one single guy who continues to make my skin crawl in the weirdest of ways. He makes my heart jump out of my chest and my words stutter, I get the butterflies when someone says his name or when a memory flashes across my mind, almost like it was the first time he said hi to me, or the first time he told me he loved me. I remember our first valentines day, he got me two watches because he didn't know which watch I would like better and told me to keep both, and with those watches was a hand written letter telling me how beautiful I was and how happy he was that we were together and that we were going to get married and have kids and called me Mrs. [his last name]. I was on cloud nine with him and when I think about it, that is why I was blind. Blind to all the foolishness I let slip past me, blind to the multiple different girls who were popping up who were "just friends" or "my buddies girl who is complaining to me about their s**t relationship". This went on for on and off 10 years. Much longer than I would like to admit. TEN YEARS of me either being ignorant or not wanting to open my eyes to the truth, but eventually I had had enough. I was tired of crying about my problems just as much as my friends were tired of seeing me broken and defeated. I got so sick of saying his name followed by he cheated on me again, or some other sort of negative thing. So I stood my ground. I told him to eff off and after that, we remained friends. I will always love him, but I will never be IN love with him again. But that doesn't stop some of those feelings when I see a picture or see/hear his name.

Which brings me to the point of this... do not and I repeat, DO NOT let those old feelings get mixed up with the current feelings. They are only temporary and they are not accurate even if they feel like they are. It's nice to take trips down memory lane, but if it didn't work out in the first place, it almost always will not work out now. Bite your tongue, keep your cool, and for the love of all things holy, DO NOT TELL THEM YOU MISS THEM OR LOVE THEM. They don't need to know that and you don't need the drama. You also don't need the mixed emotions. It's better to just stay away. If you loved them once, you want them to be happy in their future and current life. Keep your distance. It is ok to say hi and when you see each other out give a little smile and wave. If they approach you it is not a desperate attempt at rekindling your fire, that's been out and the ashes have been stomped on and washed away by all the tears you've cried. Say hi, make some small talk, and then go on about your night as if you hadn't run into them at all. You'll be better off because of it.


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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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