Sometimes, I wonder how I did it.
How did we ever survive being a freshman in college?
I see the "frosh" with their lanyards, their keys on their wrists, using the GPS to get around to classes. I see them all in Penn State gear, always being the lightweights at parties, all talking to each other before class starts..introducing themselves because they are trying to make friends.
My first week back, I didn't want to sit next to anyone talkative. I just wanted to go to class and walk right back out. But being a freshman, you want to attach yourself to a friend group as soon as possible.
How did I ever stay so positive? How did I go weeks without any close friends who I could laugh endlessly into the night with? How did I maneuver my way around through 44,000 people on the Penn State campus, signing up for all these random clubs and activities hoping one would truly be my new home? How did I ever manage to be confident enough to throw myself into so many social situations while juggling the new class schedule of heavy exam studying and even heavier readings for those exams?
It's crazy how new environments and new situations are such catalysts for growth. Looking back, I was so strong. I never had to rely more on my positivity and optimism. All those girls who said they'd love to grab coffee sometime and now are just random Snapchat friends...all those guys that I thought something would happen with, they're just dumb college guys to me now. All those times I thought I was going to have a mental breakdown because I overloaded myself with commitments and clubs...it's funny to me now.
Oh, and we just got up and left home! We just randomly got placed out of a school system we were a part of for twelve years, a home where we lived for around 18 years and left a community that knew us. Here, no one knew my name...and never would have to unless I gave them a reason to.
In the span of one year, I somehow managed to make lifelong friends, join organizations that have left an indelible mark on me and grow within myself a spirit of independence and self-love.
And what's so amusing is my first week back this year, as a "returning student," I was moping around — wallowing that summer was over. The year before, I was terrified and anxious...excited and nervous. So many emotions were happening and so much felt like it was happening. Coming back to college is totally different.
It's like "Oh, hey, it's been awhile."
So to all those freshmen out there, kudos to you. I'm so sorry that you appear so funny to me now because I know you don't feel funny.
To all those returning students who have been here a month and are laughing with me, ...cheers to leaving that old boat! We did good, man... we did good.
