December is a month that's stuffed to the brim with holidays. Just off the top of your head you can name Christmas, Hanukah, and Kwanzaa. In addition to those you have New Year's Eve to cap off the year in one last big hurrah to bid the old year farewell and to welcome the new one with a bang. December has a million of things to liven up any household at any time of the day, and yet year after year returning college students are all families want to talk about.

It doesn't matter if Little Timmy finally learned how to ride bike, Stephanie turned 49 months and two days old, or if Baby Jesus turned water into wine because eveyone's favorite (questionable) college girl is back in town! It's time to ask questions that create quarter life crises, end friendships, break up families. And just in time for the holidays, too.

1. How's college?

Usually they ask you this question just as you sit down at the dinner table. It seems safe enough at first so you mumble a couple of nothings and casual happenstances about a class here and there. You don't mention that the most you've learned this quarter is about alcohol intake or how it's impossible to maintain a decent grade point average, a social life, and last year's pant size. You figure your dodgy and vague answers will keep some of the mystery alive long enough for them to get distracted by another family member who failed miserably at keeping their lives together.

2. What are you planning on doing after college?

You didn't manage to make it out of the line of fire fast enough. Now your mom's interested in the conversation and you realize that the look you once mistook for motherly love is more like a loan shark investigating an investment that has gone awry.

If you're one of those lucky few who tap-danced out of your mother's womb with a life plan for success, I'd like for you to rescue me from the massacre that's about to ensue. You probably think I'm over exaggerating, but saying "I don't know" isn't going to fly too well when your uncle swears he maintained a 4.0 AND managed to save a small village from a forest fire somewhere in rural Narnia.

We've all been there. For most of the year we're lucky if we can even remember our class schedules let alone how to evade homelessness in our 20's. Yes, college is supposed to prepare you and blah-de-dah, but it only prepares you on paper! How can you explain to these people that a college education doesn't teach you how to file for taxes, buy a house, or cook something that doesn't resemble green goo on a petri dish?

If anything you should be asking your parents how they plan on convincing themselves that sending you to college was a good idea in the first place, because you can swear up and down that you don't feel any more prepared from adulthood now as you did during your high school graduation.

3. Do you have a boyfriend?

Oh, right. OK. I'm clueless, I don't have a future, and you still think I can attract a boyfriend? The holiday cookie you were chewing on sparingly to win some thinking seconds is gone, so now you're on your own and you feel like you're in the lions' den. You even look at your four year old cousin like a traitor, because the little punk decides that now, of all times, is the best time to behave like the angel his inebriated mother swears he is.

This can go one of two ways. You either have a boyfriend or you don't. It doesn't really matter, because either way your boyfriend (theoretically and literally speaking) is the bane of your existence. Never mind the fact that they think a boyfriend will solve all of your problems, because they also think a boyfriend will doom you faster than Leo DiCaprio's chivalry did in Titanic.

4. So what's your plan?

Now everyone's looking at you and you're really at a loss.

But then, out of nowhere, an epiphany hits you like a semi.

None of these people know what they're doing. Did any of them really plan to be here four or five years ago? You can swear that at least two out of three of the people in the room who are younger than six years old were accidents, and yet everyone looks at you like you're a messiah with all the answers.

This holiday season I've figured out that I have absolutely nothing figured out, and that's perfectly fine. I'm only two decades into my hopefully long and fulfilling life, so what's the rush to get all my ducks in a row? New Year's Eve is just around the corner, and if I hop on the bandwagon faster than I dodged questions during Christmas dinner, then I can start 2016 with the "New Year, New Me" mantra that seems to work for everyone else.