We have all seen the couples who plaster their relationship ALL over social media. From the outside looking in, they appear to be the best possible match for each other and we are all counting down the days when we see them move from dating to being engaged, then from engaged to married and so on. If I’m being honest, and if you are, too, maybe we have had similar thoughts. For example, I have had the whiney thoughts, "why is it them? Why can’t I have a relationship like that? What makes them better?" Or maybe you are even thinking "A relationship? I can't even get a date."
To all of those thoughts, I can truly say they are from the pit of hell. Theodore Roosevelt said "Comparison is the theft of joy." Out of all of those thoughts you could have, I bet more of them are based on how you don’t see that God has blessed you and you are too busy being envious of what you think your friends have to realize that you are blessed. Every single Christian can quote this piece of advice word for word, however, it is important enough to bring up. Being single is a blessing. Let’s define blessing. In Luke 6:22-23 it's defined “Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man! Rejoice in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven; for so their fathers did to the prophets.” A lot of Christians say that they want to be blessed, but do you actually want to be blessed according to Luke? Sometimes I read that and I really have to re-analyze my focus on Jesus and His love for me.
Now that has been established, they focus on what the root of the problem may be. Most college-aged people I have talked to want to be married, which is great! Having that desire for marriage is not something that should feel dirty or crazy, even though most of us feel this way. Marriage has a very biblical biases. Genesis 2:24 says “ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” However, I realized I had made my honest desire for marriage into a secret idol. I couldn’t meet someone without having the thoughts of if they would make a good suitor for me, or if what they are doing with their lives is a calling I could get behind. I realized there is a balance with desiring to be married and desiring God. I put all of my focus on how to land a man and keep him, no matter if he made me happy or even wanted similar things as me. One could make the case I had the “New Puppy Syndrome” about my relationships, when you get a puppy and snuggled it to death. For you reading this, you may have had noticed your chest got a little tighter, or your fidgeting, or may just realized this is you. You can resonate with what I’m saying, and that’s because dating and marriage is an idol for you. It was for me and it’s OK.
God allowed me to date and still seek relationships, however, I never felt right about the guys who I could get to date me. I wasn’t happy with them. They, being good, Godly men, could not survive the pressure I placed on them, unknowingly. Remember the new puppy thing? That’s how my relationships were going. Eventually, I gave up on dating. I understood that if my relationship with God isn’t thriving, what makes me think that a relationship with another sinful human would be able to thrive? There are many simple ways to put God first in your life. Having a prayer life, reading your Bible, reading articles on God, journaling about Him and serving at church are just a few ways to place God as the number one in your heart.
