Coming back to the wonderful suburbs of Pittsburgh can always bring a nice drift of nostalgia after being away at school. However, after discovering a lot about myself these past two years in college, I realized that I can be a lot more like the person I have always wanted to be after breaking outside the bubble my small suburban hometown created.
A lot of people experience in high school, the need and pressure to conform to different trends and different behaviors. I'm sure some people thrived in high school, and good for them, I guess. I look through social media and see girls and guys I went to high school with coming home for break and meeting up with a huge group of high school friends. Some of them even look like the exact same person they were three years ago.
When I come home from college, I look in the mirror and I don't see someone who resembled the person I was three years ago. And that's okay. A lot of times in high school, I saw these tight knit groups of friends and I was jealous. They looked like they were peaking (and maybe they were), and of course, at the time, I was envious. I look back now, and wonder why on earth I was ever jealous. Why? Because that wasn’t me. I wasn’t the person who kept quiet in class to appear cool and uncaring or to avoid the judgement of others. I wasn’t the person who bought clothes that I didn’t even like, because that’s what everybody else was wearing.
Some people "find themselves" in college, some not till after, but realistically I have a hard time believing anyone does in high school. Maybe I'm really lucky for this, but being at Penn State for the past two years has allowed me to discover that I really don't have much in common with a lot of the people I grew up with. Of course, I have a couple great friends I will continue to keep in touch with, but the reality of the matter is, I really don't look back and miss my high school experience nor a lot of the judgmental people I shared it with.
At Penn State, I have truly found an amazing group of friends, and while I don’t have everything in common with all of them, obviously, I genuinely feel as though I can identify with them. Whether or not we agree on the same matters, or present ourselves the same way, I sincerely feel as though they respect who I am and I don’t need to be someone I’m not to earn popularity. And that’s a pretty special feeling.
It seems silly to even write out, but existing in an environment where you feel comfortable wearing whatever you want, and being able to hold different views because you know there are people out there who aren’t afraid to agree, is pretty darn liberating. At times I think I wasn’t able to feel this way where I grew up because I wasn’t “popular” or “liked” enough to be a little different, and other times I think that I maybe just grew up enough after leaving my hometown to feel confident in speaking out or wearing something that isn’t necessarily what other people view as “normal.” Whatever it is, I’m thankful that I have the opportunity to grow in an environment that allows me to do so.
It’s also not as simple as having a moral to the story; perhaps more a reflection on how different environments can truly determine how comfortable you feel being yourself. Maybe that’s cheesy, but I genuinely see a lot of truth in that. At the end of the day, you are who you are and you like what you like. You shouldn’t feel judged for asking a question when you have one. You shouldn’t feel like you can’t wear something bold because you’re not cool enough to. You shouldn’t feel judged for speaking up about something you believe in. And if you feel these things whether you are still in high school, or at the college you attend, or the town in which you live full time, I hope you don’t stop trying to find a place where you don’t. I truthfully didn’t know if there was a place out there where I could really find my niche and be confident in who I am in front of my friends and peers, but I did, and I’m thankful every day I did.
