As he handed his phone over to me I grabbed it with a little reluctance. Should I put in the wrong number I thought? My moms, maybe? My best friends? A feeling of disappointment rushed over me like shower water. I knew I had no intention of texting him back.
As I stood there I pictured a perfect scenario in which I simply told him no from the beginning when he asked and continued to maneuver my way through the party. It would have saved both of us the time. Yet, there I was watching myself type in my actual number in what seemed to be some sort of out of body experience.
Sadly, I assure you that situations like this are not of rare occurrence in my life. I can think of a million different times I’ve wanted to tell someone no, but caved and said yes.
Saying yes to that text asking if I wanted to go out when I really just wanted to stay in bed and watch Netflix. Saying yes to that offer I didn’t really want. Saying yes to that favor. Yes to giving my number. Yes to sharing the homework I’d spent hours doing.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
We live in a society where reciprocity is a social norm. We don’t want to stir the pot or give anyone a reason not to like us by telling them no.
So, in fear of upsetting someone, hurting their feelings, causing any confusion, or simply risking any sort of confrontation we often spend an exceptional amount of time thinking of a clever excuse for why we can’t do something or simply just agree to it.
Well, if I’ve learned anything so far this year it’s that sometimes you have to rock the damn boat and just say NO.
It’s okay to be assertive sometimes. You don’t need an excuse and you surely don’t have to waste your time or money doing something that you really don’t want to do.
In fact, according to Vanessa M. Patrick, an associate professor of marketing at C.T Bauer College of Business at the University of Houston, “The ability to communicate ‘no’ really reflects that you are in the driver's seat of your own life.”
So, basically, saying ‘yes’ all the time reflects the fact that you are sitting shotgun in your own life.
Sounds kind of pathetic, right? Don't be that person.
