To My Friend Who Always Puts Others Above Herself,

Hey there, I hope you know that you're fantastic. You're generous and brilliant, you're dedicated and loyal, and you're most of all caring. Like, scarily so. You are the kind of person that always makes time for the people they care about, the one who buys gifts for everyone for Valentine's day and remembers everybody's birthday. That's really great of you, and I admire that because I could never. Your constantly positive attitude makes you the kind of person everyone wants to spend time with, because let's face it, you're a ray of sunshine.

However, as generous and giving as you are, I worry about you. I think that you go a little far sometimes with how ready you are to jump to people's rescue, to a point where you sacrifice your own wants and needs for those of others. You work too much and too hard. That's not really a common criticism, but I think it applies. I think you're compensating. You're never openly sad or depressed, and maybe that's something you need to be a healthy, emotionally stable person. At a certain point, putting others before yourself as a means of overcoming your own feelings... it's too much.

When I say you're too generous, I mean it. Sacrificing your own sleep for your colleagues because they couldn't make it to work, even when you have class and another job and god knows how much homework to do. Giving out loans to people with the expectation that they'll pay you back, but no desire to ask for the money you lent when it isn't returned. Being afraid to even eat alone because you need to be surrounded by others at all times. These are problems.

In some ways, I think you're an enabler of other human beings' bad behavior. You promise you'll be friends with them no matter what, and then you do just that, even when they betray you. You always see the good in everyone, even though some acts are unforgivable. What's more, some acts shouldn't be forgiven, and you do it anyway. It's too far. If you always say "it's fine" and never confront anybody, you're failing them. I know you think you're helping, but you're not. A little bit of aid and forgiveness is good now and again, but there's something wrong when you've given someone their five thousandth chance. Your harem of friends isn't as good as you think. Sometimes, people do bad things, and sometimes they need you to call them out on it. What kind of friend tells people it's all going to be okay when it isn't?

My point is, you go too far sometimes. You never put yourself or your needs first. That's fundamentally wrong, and it concerns me that you think it isn't. Please, for my sake, please just learn to let things go. Learn to trust most, but not all. Learn to help, but know your limit. Let the people you care about learn from their own mistakes, don't just cover for them continuously. I hope you figure out that it's ultimately for the best.

Love,

Your Friend