Journeying through first semester of college, I realized I had accidentally brought some extra baggage that I most certainly didn’t need. Thinking I had checked my past hurts and scars at the door, I was totally unprepared for Jesus' radical sculpting of my heart through them.
When I began the process of sorting through some of my “stuff”, I relied heavily on myself. I kept digging and digging into my own heart to find the answers and remedies to all of my feelings. In fact, I actively did this for over a year without recognizing it.
At first, it worked. It was amazing. I felt so much better, my mood was improving, and my relationships were being strengthened. Starting out at college, I was ready to conquer the new adventure I was embarking on. After a month, things started getting hard. As I was developing new close friendships, I was reminded of the failed relationships in my past. As I began to get to know people, I found myself holding on to things I thought I had released long ago.
One day, I found myself so overwhelmed and no clue where to go. I set up an appointment with the Deaconess on campus. She said words I had never heard or at least never comprehended until that day.
"It's not about what I can do to fix myself, but it's how Jesus is constantly renewing me."
I was trying to save myself all this time instead of looking to the One who already saved me. I was trying to earn grace that was already given to me freely.
For so long, I was blindly living as prey to my past. Instead of being prey to my past, I began praying for constant reminders of my Baptism. God already saved you. Store that treasure up in your heart replacing the baggage you’ve been wearily carrying all this time.