Don't ask God for patience unless you mean it. And when you ask for it, make sure you're suited up and prepared for battle.

The last six months of my life have been the biggest challenge for me. Not just with school but with my social life especially. Growing up, I was always told by people older than me to always cling to Jesus during tough times, to never stray from what you know is right, or to seek Him in every decision you face. You see, the problem I've always had is this: I've never faced a tough time, I've never had a problem with straying from what I know is right because I was always so busy in high school, and I've never had to make any real big, life altering decisions. PSA to all who have not reach college yet, but will soon, IT CHANGES YOU. You have no control over that, but what you do have control over is HOW it changes you.

Now on to the point of this article. The people in my life who were closest to me throughout high school were my rocks. I'm specifically referring to a few select people who, when reading this, will know who they are. I was selfish. I didn't cling to Jesus during tough times, I didn't seek His will for every decision I made, I sought my own will, and in turn, I strayed from what I know is right. I made mistakes that weren't like me at all. I did and said things that made me doubt myself and where my focus was. Because of my selfishness, I lost my rocks. I lost my anchors. The few people who actually cared for my well being and pushed me to greatness, I pushed away because it wasn't in line with what I wanted in that specific moment. You see, we college-age kids are so into instant gratification that it's almost sickening. God is revealing that to me. Oh and it hit me like a train. I wasn't where I was supposed to be and that was the reason. I was too focused on myself and not focused enough on him.

God has revealed so much to me since He revealed my issues to me. He has shown me the path I need to take, and guess what? It sucks. Why, you ask? Because it's not right here, right now. It's something I'm having to wait for. It's something I could've had all along had I just stayed in line with Him and not strayed on my own, and honestly that fact stares me in the face every single day and makes me even more sick to my stomach. But because I chose my way, it's taking longer and now I have to learn a lesson from it. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have it any other way because honestly, patience has never been my strong suit.

Through this, I'm am so humbled. I am not all that and a bag of chips like I once thought I was. Through this, I am seeing that I cannot do anything on my own. And most importantly, through this I am learning to trust His timing: something, we Christians too often claim to believe is the best, but when we're actually confronted with having to wait, we have no idea how to handle it. The only thing we know to do is take control ourselves. Through this, God is teaching me patience; a vital but very painful lesson. I'm having to wait for God to sort things out back to how they should be and correct the mistakes I made and situations I caused.

So to wrap this up, things are looking up and God has given me more peace than I've ever understood in my life. Waiting is hard, but necessary. I know the path God is leading me toward now. It's a path to regaining the anchors I need in my life. And it's not easy, it's actually kind of lonely. Others around me don't always understand me when I tell them what I'm doing and what I'm waiting on because they simply don't understand why. I usually just respond with "because God told me to." Works like a charm.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11 NLT