Since the age of 16, I've been fighting a battle. To some, it may seem to be insignificant; others may even say that I'm overreacting. But to me, this battle is one that I just can't seem to win. Few days do I come out victorious, and for the last 5 years, I've suffered mostly losses. There have been weeks when I want to just give up and face the fact that my imperfections are here to stay. It smacks my self-esteem straight across the face and pushes so many doubts into my mind.
Skin. Acne. Blemishes. Scars. These are my enemies, and oh how strong they are. They are the first thing I see and feel when I wake up in the morning. They stand strong when I look into the mirror in the bathroom at work. And as I brush my teeth at night, I can't help but stare. I'm 21. Puberty is over, so acne should be too, right? It seems as if everyone around me is past this "gross" stage of life, and yet here I am, as much as I hate to admit it, still fighting with expensive creams and hormone pills. It sucks.
One month ago, I decided to try something new. For 30 days, I would stop hiding my flaws. Foundation, coverup, face primer - gone. Makeup helped mask my insecurities; it made me feel pretty and accepted, when in reality, I still felt terrible about myself as soon as I washed it all off. That being said, I threw all my skin makeup into the back of my closet and promised myself I would not use it for a full month.
At first, I hated it. The scars and red blemishes were the only thing I could focus on when I looked in the mirror. Giving the world the real me, flaws and all, was kind of the worst. It took all my strength to walk into my office job bare-faced, head held high, knowing that everyone could see my skin and the marks that I was so ashamed of. As I sat in class, I watched girl after girl walk into the room, appearing so perfect and flawless in my eyes. For the first few days, it really did hurt; I didn't like my face or the exposure that came with keeping the makeup far, far away from my skin.
Surprisingly, however, it did get easier! Hope was not lost! I noticed that the less products I put on my skin, the clearer it was. When I stopped fussing over my face, the blemishes began to fade. Yes, there was still the occasional breakout, but I started to care less and less. I felt free, clear, and happy.
Now here I am. Thirty days later. I am proud to say that after wearing cover up almost every day for the last 5 years, I successfully survived one month without it. I know, I know, it may seem like a super lame accomplishment, but to me, it's huge. The last month has taught me that my complexion isn't everything. I still have friends. My job isn't any different. My acne in no way, shape, or form defines who I am any longer. Want to know something even cooler? My skin is CLEAR. The scars have faded, and when I do breakout, I don't even notice.
After years of fighting and hiding, victory is mine.
