On a typical day, domestic violence hotlines Nationwide receive approximately 20,800 calls. Being a survivor of this tragic crime has allowed me to fully grasp the severity of this overwhelming issue. I used to think my scars represented weakness and frailty. I have recently come to see my scars as the foundation of my strengths and courage.

For those who are under the impression that men and women fearing for their lives in the safety of their own home is in anomalous occurrence, I asked you to sit and reflect for a moment. Statistically every nine seconds in the US there is a victim that is assaulted or beaten. Now, internalize that for a moment. How many of those men and women are a part of your daily life? How many of those frightened people do you walk by on the street day after day?

Since January 1st 2017 there have been 286 domestic violence gun-related fatalities. These victims could be your neighbors, your family, or the cashier at the local grocery store. Living terrified and numb throughout the day just to return home to a living nightmare.

I was married at a very young age. I was pregnant at 17 and married just a month after turning 18. Everything seemed magical despite the fact that I had been isolated from my family. He was sweet and he was attentive... until the moment I said "I do."

I remember my wedding night vividly. Not for the wedding toasts or for the first dance but for the way my husband's eyes seemed to have changed color while he aggressively approached me. He had grabbed my arm and rushed me into an empty hallway two berate me on my lack of communication with his family. Confused and terrified I put a smile on my face and apologized. I told him that I was just a bit sad that my family could not be present. His response was to physically shove me and tell me to get over it. Being basically a child I had no idea that this was just the beginning of a long road of psychological and physical trauma.

People have often asked me, why would you stay? A question that I myself still think about today. It is also the hardest question to answer. Generally a person would never tolerate physical violence on the first couple of dates. Abusive men and women tend to be very calculated and manipulative when it comes to their partner. 95% of people who physically abuse their partners also psychologically abuse them. This includes humiliating them, controlling them, demeaning them, and making the victim feel that they, themselves, are the crazy ones.

After the physical abuse in my marriage was at its worst and his arrests were piling up he was court-ordered to attend a domestic violence batterers class. I was hopeful that this would turn our marriage around and help me to feel safe again. You can imagine my devastation when I found out that the entire class that he was attending simply played cards and swapped testosterone fueled stories to kill the entire hour. I started to feel very helpless. There seems to be an abundance of programs for abusers but the programs that I needed were few and far between. I fell into a terrible depression. I must have listened to Peter Gabriel's "Mercy Street" on repeat while falling asleep every night just to hear another person eloquently sing the words that I was sobbing inside.

The best way that I can describe living through the torment that I endured is that I was simply surviving. I did not feel emotion, I was too emotionally beaten down to feel anything. I did not sleep and I barely ate anything. It was as if I was living in a cave somewhere cold and alone. I would look over at this man who was completely idolized by those around him and I would have flashbacks of his steel toed boot kicking me in the jaw.

Nobody would listen to me. Not a single soul could hear my pain. I was the only one who saw the monster for what he really was.

There were many obstacles standing in the way of myself and my freedom. The biggest obstacle was my isolation. I had isolated myself from an already distant family and I barely had any money saved. Every time I would have my bags packed he would break down and tell me he would take his own life if I were to leave. I was no longer afraid of the physical abuse. I was too numb to feel it anymore. Then the threats became more sinister... the threats started turning into him taking the lives of myself and my children rather than his own. He would show up in the middle of the night drunk waving around large kitchen knives to intimidate me.

I guess that there is no simple answer to the question "why would you stay?". For a victim the answer is more of a feeling than a run-on sentence. Men and women who choose to stay in abusive relationships are no less strong then anyone else. There are too many men and women out there being beaten and berated into staying in a home that feels like hell.

Eventually I left my marriage and took my children. It was no easy feat. There were threats as well as stalking. There were many violations of restraining orders. I would love nothing more than to tell you that I survived like a champion. That I lived happily ever after and walked off into the sunset... but that would be untrue as well as unrealistic. I suffer from PTSD, I still have flashbacks, I still have panic attacks, and I still have physical scars. It has been years and I am still working with myself. One thing I can say for certain is that I am a strong woman. I am empathetic and highly intuitive when it comes to this particular experience and there is no way that I could ever turn a cheek on a fellow human being suffering.

It is my hope to bring awareness to those who are stuck in that seemingly endless abyss. You are not alone, nor should you ever be made to feel alone. October of every year is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It is the easiest month out of the year to connect with an advocate to talk about your options. While I think that is fantastic, my hope is that whoever is reading this, wherever you may be, that you take away just a little bit more empathy all year round for the men and women who not only crave it, but desperately need it.