In May of 2014, Former NFL star for the Carolina Panthers, Greg Hardy, allegedly beat his ex-girlfriend, Nicole Holder. The attack was suspected to have been in effects to a short-lived relationship between Holder and Cornell Iral Haynes Jr., most commonly known as entertainment singer and rapper Nelly, while Hardy and Holder were on a break. Holder told police that her and Hardy had been drinking and laughing together when Hardy just snapped. Hardy proceeded to severely beat holder, threatening to kill her.
Looking at this horrific story of domestic abuse, I believe that the issue presents an underlying theme, common in our society. This issue deals with a skewed perception of masculinity, that is most commonly portrayed in the media. When we look at the situation between Hardy and Holder, it’s hard to imagine how a relationship seemingly so small could have caused a reaction to the point of extreme violence. Yet, when we look at the feelings behind the situation, and note that the couple's relationship was continuously highlighted in the media, we realize that Hardy felt ashamed and therefore, as if his masculinity was being threatened by Holder, in her relationship with Nelly. With this, Hardy saw Holder as the culprit of his feelings, and resorted to violence against the 24-year-old woman in efforts to gain back his masculinity.
It goes without saying that none of this make Hardy’s actions remotely acceptable. Yet, with domestic violence being the leading cause of injury to women living in the United States, between the ages of 15 and 44, I intend to shed light on the topic of ending male violence by means of debunking the stereotypical idea of masculinity. Had Hardy been able to get to the point of actually understanding how he felt, and accept those feelings, he would have had a chance to direct his strength internally, and to use that strength to deal with his pain. Instead, he refused to face this pain and, in-turn, inflict violence on who he thought was the creator of it. All in all, he failed to realize that it was he who created his own pain.
At this point, it is easy to say that Hardy should be thrown into jail. Yet, while I agree, I also believe that if the perpetrator does not understand what they did wrong, the jail time they serve is essentially counter active towards the crime itself.
Now, you might be wondering how Hardy wouldn’t understand what he did wrong? Well, when men are taught that masculinity means avoiding the natural feelings and emotions of life, they essentially learn to kill their internal emotions and to therefore, express themselves externally (or physically). For example, typically when a man sees a woman crying, he feels a need to fix the situation and therefore, her state of sadness. He sees this sadness as abnormal. Unfortunately, what we often fail to teach our young boys and men, is that the feeling of vulnerability is natural. And therefore, the ability to express that vulnerability is actually a sign of strength.
