This is partly my post for this week, and partly a portion of my self care.
I am in a rut, a stinkin' no good, very bad, rut.
I feel like my potential has gone to the wayside as I've made room for time, and time is everything. I get things done in a rush so that I can move on and forget about it. What I've come to realize is this mindset has lead me to create less structured, less well-thought work for the sake of time, time, time.
Why did I become an English major? because writing is my entire life. I live, eat and breathe writing. Writing is a way to join a conversation that millions have already begun in order to bring new insight to others. My professor always tells me that she loves reading our papers, papers she assigns each year...because she loves seeing the new ways students approach similar ideas. That in itself reminds me of my purpose.
I am not a grade on a paper, or an easy load of homework on a Sunday night because I crammed in my homework the night before. Ooh no, I am much more than that. I am a voice, I am an editor, I am a tutor and first and foremost, I am a writer. Every single piece of writing has my heart and soul attached to it. I write because it allows pieces of me to become open for public view, for the better, in hopes that someone will latch on and to...will feel heard. This semester has been tough, and I believe that this passion has been misguided. It has began to intertwine with the idea of finding a purpose within satisfaction.
Everyone loves to get good grades and everyone loves when their professor praises them. At the end of the day, this is your paper and your voice is speaking through it. Instead of writing to the expectations of others, write for yourself. Yes there are guidelines you must follow but it doesn't have to be that cut and dry. Add yourself into the piece and your professor will know. It will take time and I'm always so afraid of losing it that I waste it in the end. Let it take time, let your voice be heard.
I write to write. I write to be heard. I need to remember that. I write for me. I write to write. I write to be heard.