Do Not Depend On Others For Your Happiness

Do Not Depend On Others For Your Happiness

You need to be happy on your own.
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In the human race, it is in our nature to thrive off of human interaction and to form relationships with others. We are a social species who thrive off of good relationships. Any relationship you have with a person, no matter romantic or friendly, is like a garden. To make it thrive, you must take care of it. Every garden is different; both in what is in the garden and how to care for the garden. When the garden flourishes and looks beautiful and lively, it makes you feel proud and happy. You want to keep looking at the garden, showing it off, working on it because it makes you so happy. You put your everything into the garden to make sure it always stays so beautiful which in turn will keep you happy.

But what happens when the garden starts to wilt away? What happens when all of your efforts, all of your love, and all of the hard work you put into it no longer makes it grow and look beautiful? What if instead, the garden is dying despite anything you try to do and save it? You'll feel like it's all your fault and, because this garden made you so happy, you'll feel sad, you'll feel lost, as if you were not doing enough to make sure the garden stayed beautiful even if you were doing the most you possibly could. It'll leave you scarred, hurt, maybe even confused, and definitely left with a ton of questions. Did you use the right water? Were you supposed to do something else? Was it the wrong time to start this garden? Can you revive this garden? All of these questions consume you, and you don't feel whole.

Now, maybe the latter part of the last paragraph with all of the questions is a little bit dramatic, but overall this is how it is when a relationship or person you depend on your happiness for doesn't work out. You put so much happiness in them, that you didn't think to invest a happiness within yourself and now without this bond you had, you're sad because you are not used to happiness without them. You get consumed in the what ifs and the could've beens and it destroys you. I have felt this pain and sadness all too many times, but I have learned from my own mistakes to start investing a happiness in myself.

If you are still struggling with not putting your happiness on the lifeline of others, the first step is to have a relationship and a common ground with yourself. This is something I myself still struggle with, but it's a key part in being happy no matter who comes in and out of your life. If you are content with yourself, you won't feel as empty when someone leaves. That's not to say you won't be sad and get upset, what it does mean is that you won't let yourself get destroyed over it. You will realize nothing is wrong with you and you did all that you could, it just wasn't the right time or place with this person.

Another step in not putting your happiness in the hands of another is to make sure you get time away from them. Yes, a key part of a relationship is definitely with time spent together and you should always want to be together, but when it comes down to it you also need to be comfortable with being apart. You need to be okay with not seeing your friend or significant other for a while and not feel an emptiness or sadness. If you're always gardening trying to make your garden look beautiful, of course you're going to be upset if it doesn't turn out beautiful. But that's not to say you can not miss them. You can miss them for sure, but there's a big difference in missing them and feeling like a piece of you is missing with them.

Although there are numerous steps to ensure that you don't hold your happiness solely in the hands of someone else, one final one I would like to mention is to make sure you do not isolate yourself from other people. Whether it be a friendship or a romantic relationship, you should always make sure they are not your sole source of any type of relationship. Having others prominent in your life is important so that, if anything should happen with a friend or a significant other, you have others to fall back on and you do not just focus all of your energy onto one person. It's like if you have a few little gardens that you tend to and keep healthy that look beautiful, you won't be as upset if one just doesn't work.

Overall, happiness in life is something that comes and goes with people. No matter how hard we try not to let others affect us, it happens. Because we as humans are social and depend on interactions and the use of others to make ourselves feel good, and it sucks. But through time and practice, you can truly be able to not fully depend on others for your own happiness. I'm still learning, and I'll probably still be learning for the rest of my life. But, with every piece of myself I earn back, I gain a part of myself and it's a beautiful, blossoming feeling, just like a garden.


Cover Image Credit: Jamie Rowe's Photo

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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It Is OK To Have Guy Friends That Are Literally Just Guy Friends

Some of my best friends are guys and sometimes they are better friends than girls are.

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Lately, I have come to the realization that some of my guy friends are better then some girls I call my "friends". Ever since middle school, I have always had many guy friends that have always been just guy friends, and nothing more. Some girls had a problem with it back then and they still do now, maybe because they are jealous, or maybe because they feel left out. However, I decided a long time ago to keep those guy friends for reasons like...

1. They Don't Take Things So Seriously

You can always joke around with them, and they will joke around with you right back. You can be as nice as you want or as mean as you want to them, and they will always take it as joke. I think that sometimes girls have a difficult time deciphering between when you are being serious or when you are joking. Most of my guys friends tend to not things too seriously at least 75% of the time.

2. They Are Always Honest

When I need a blatantly honest opinion I always ask my guy friends (and my mom). I do this because guys do not really care about whether or not their response will make you mad. Also, guys do not think about if their answer will benefit them personally or not before they answer.

3. They Genuinely Listen To You

Not all the time. But when I am upset, they are always the ones most concerned. Some of my guy friends take over the "big brother" role when it comes to some situations. My guy friends always listen to my problems or just the same old rants I give all the time because if something is wrong, or something has hurt me, they want to know, in order for them to try and fix it.

I am not trying to say that my girl friends are not my best friends either, and I really do have the best best friend. But sometimes, it just feels good to hangout with my guy friends. Guy friends, that I have never had a romantic relationship or feelings for and they have not had for me. These guys have always been there, and for that I am grateful.

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