My Abilities Are Unquantifiable

Numbers And Letters Do Not Define My Intelligence

My abilities are unquantifiable.

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I have always enjoyed school. There have been many teachers and professors that have made a lasting impact on my life. I still can recall teachers I had ten plus years ago in elementary school that conditioned my young mind to love learning and get addicted to challenges. Middle school teachers are prime examples that not all superheroes wear capes because they are teaching the preteen, know-it-all, hormonal human beings of the world. Even those tough souls got through to my thick head and encouraged me to chase my passion for learning. I was lucky enough to have incredible high school teachers. Each grade of my four years, I had a deeper than surface level connection with one of them. I discovered that physics is doable and can be understood, precalculus is actually kind of fun, and chemistry is even better when you have a teacher named "Mr. Moles." My major is nowhere near the sciences, but because of my teachers, I know I can anything I put my mind to. However, now that I am in college, I see a flaw in the education system.

Numbers and letters given to represent your mental range is one the reasons that people do not feel like they are enough. Because you can work to your maximum capacity and you may still not get an A. Or if you get an A in all classes except for one, then you do not get that 4.0 It is a losing battle and you will come up short no matter the outcome. My mom and dad always told me that the learning is the most important part of school. Like how the grade is the measure of learning, but the grades do not reflect the intelligence. Nor do they reflect the art of balancing the external pressures of school and the academic rigor. I can read people like books and I can write articles from ideas that spew out of my head. I am pretty sure I could entertain a brick wall and I could become best friends with a stranger in five minutes, but we do not get a grade for our ability to have human connection. Because it cannot be taught within four walls.

I am not making a point to say that people should not go to school or that grades should not be given, I am suggesting that there should be a different measure of success than a simple figure. Because I have felt like the academic grading scale has failed me and others around me, I hope one day that intelligence and ability cannot be assigned to a number or letter.

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A Letter To My Freshman Dorm Room As I Pack Up My Things

Somehow a 15' x 12' room became a home.

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Dear Geary 411,

With your creaky beds, concrete walls, and mismatched tile floors, you are easily overlooked as just another room we were randomly assigned to— but you were different. Inside your old walls, I have made some of the best memories of my life that I will hold on to forever.

Thank you for welcoming my neighbors in with open arms who quickly became friends who didn't knock and walked in like you were their own.

I feel like an apology is needed.

We're sorry for blaring the music so loud while getting ready and acting like we can actually sing when, in reality, we know we can't. Sorry for the dance parties that got a bit out of control and ended with us standing on the desks. Sorry for the cases of the late-night giggles that came out of nowhere and just would not go away. Sorry for the homesick cries and the "I failed my test" cries and the "I'm dropping out" cries. We're sorry for hating you at first. All we saw was a tiny and insanely hot room, we had no idea what you would bring to us.

Thank you for providing me with memories of my first college friends and college experiences.

As I stand at the door looking at the bare room that I first walked into nine months ago I see so much more than just a room. I see lots and lots of dinners being eaten at the desks filled with stories of our days. I see three girls sitting on the floor laughing at God knows what. I see late night ice cream runs and dance battles. I see long nights of homework and much-needed naps. Most importantly, I look at the bed and see a girl who sat and watched her parents leave in August and was absolutely terrified, and as I lock you up for the last time today, I am so proud of who that terrified girl is now and how much she has grown.

Thank you for being a space where I could grow, where I was tested physically, mentally and emotionally and for being my home for a year.

Sincerely,

A girl who is sad to go

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When Was The Last Time You Were Alive?

If you can't post it for everyone to see, was it truly a remarkable moment?

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Being alive is an essentially effortless act.

In theory, as long as you're eating food, drinking water, and performing as a human, assuming no major health conditions, most of us are living.

The tragedy I see most often is so very few of us are alive.

Now, I'm not suggesting you drop your textbooks and sprint up a mountain, or go broke trying to find yourself in new activities and events.

That's the illusion pressed onto so many of us. Social Media, more importantly, FOMO, has taught us that in order to truly be alive we need to make sure we travel far and wide, eat gourmet and unique food, and essentially, immerse ourselves in something phenomenal. However, regardless of what you do- don't do it without an audience and the value of your experience will only be justified by the number of likes you accrue on your #bestvacation ever because you #lovenature. With your back to the camera and wispy hair flowing in the beach air, you hit all of your angles, how else will you prove that you're alive to Instagram?

I fell for this too. I spent so much of my life constantly trying to get to the next phase life had to offer. High school was fun, but I was counting the days until graduation. Growing up in a small hometown wasn't awful, but I had sticky note calendars until my next vacation. And day in and day out, events would happen all around me that were just too "normal." I wasn't alive, but I was living.

Setting your soul on fire and truly living is so much more difficult than you could ever expect, but not because you have to drain savings and take along a buddy to snap all the perfect moments.

Choosing to be alive is realizing how important it is to be in this moment or phase in life and accepting it for all its worth. Instead of racing to the finish line or trying to sprint into your next season of assumed happiness, take time to notice all the beautiful and small things that make this moment so important. There is so much life to be found in simple moments.

Semesters are ending, we are all racing to summer. Perhaps in the process, take note of the routine cafeteria worker that constantly smiles at you and says hello. Or perhaps, giggle at the fact that in just a few short weeks that bus driver you see every single morning won't be apart of your morning routine.

The farther I get from what used to be my normal, the more I miss that season of life. I haven't lived in my hometown since I was eighteen, but I miss the simplicity that came with my drives to high school listening to Kanye West and the coziness of a small town opening its doors to start a new day. I never stopped to be alive in those moments, I was just simply living.

Wherever your next phase of life might be, it will always be there. You will always have something else coming. However, once this moment is gone. It's truly gone. Don't waste beautiful views trying to capture just the right picture for Instagram, take in the moment.

Living and experiencing life can be as simple as trusting that you're exactly where you need to be in life. Cherish each moment as you're in it. The next moment is coming whether you're ready or not.

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