When I look back at my life thus far, I noticed that I was always placed into a box. There were different ones based on the kind of person you were. We always get asked about what our “favorites” are such as our favorite color, movie, book, genre of music or song and plenty of other subjects. We grouped people together and that’s where you belonged based off of your interests and how others viewed you. We formed cliques and if you weren’t in it, you were in another and that’s the way it went. We would sometimes try to impress others, therefor to get into their box. The metaphor is my personal representation of how once we are in that clique; it’s closed unless someone opens it to put another person else in. My only problem with that is I am not someone who fits in one box, or a box at all for that matter. I do not belong anywhere; I belong to myself.
When I was in middle school and high school, I never had that group of friends that I was close with whom I would hang out with all the time together. I would always see people I know be around each other all the time, and I wondered why I was never included even though I was a friend of theirs as well. I was a friend of many who were in different “groups.” Due to this, I wasn’t invited to various hangouts, and I did not feel as included. Therefor, because of this I would assume something was wrong with me; they clearly did not like me. I made the assumption about myself that I am trying too hard to be friends with people or that I was not expressing who I really am because then I would just fit with 1 friend group based off of my likes and dislikes. What I came to realize during college is that I am a person who has different interests, who likes different genres of music, and who loves too many things to pick a favorite.
We are people who do not have one thing to describe us. I had many friendships and that was because of my multiple interests that I could relate to unique people. This also led myself to notice that I do not have just one personality but that I do have multiple personalities and that was okay. To try to belittle myself was something I tried to do for a long time, just so I could fit in. We all have had this feeling of wanting to fit in, but why was it so important to fit in than to just be yourself? I realized I had to stop thinking I was being fake or real and I was just being myself. When I tell people I’m a double major under two completely different colleges I would get these expressions off of people’s faces that came across as, “what are you going to do with those?” and “How’re you planning on doing that?” But all I wanted was to further pursue my interests despite how unalike they are. Therefor, that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Maybe one day, it’ll all come together and all my interests will point me to one direction; until then, I plan to let life take me wherever it desires.
“One day my father told me son, don’t let it slip away. He took me in his arms, I heard him say ‘When you get older, your wild heart will live for younger days; think of me if ever you’re afraid.’ He said ‘One day you’ll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember.’” – The Nights // Avicii
