Hey, it's the 301! Anyone heard of crabs? How about Old Bay? Woo, put Old Bay all over me, and let’s go wild — haha.

Just kidding — I’m not really like that. Anyway, this one is about growing up in the DC Metropolitan area.

I grew up in Silver Spring, MD and started at Gonzaga College High School (an all-male private Jesuit high school) in 2008 and graduated in 2012. I like Gonzaga.

I moved to Bethesda in 2011. Since Gonzaga is located on North Capitol Street, students meet friends from D.C., NOVA, Potomac, Bethesda, and Silver Spring, so you get a varied idea of the whole metropolitan area.

I realize the “you know you’re from…” has become somewhat of a cliché, and often the structure is a little girly, so perhaps because of that stigma, you rarely see guys posting their perspectives on high school town nostalgia, but I don’t think it has to be that way. I’m changing the game, kind of like L'il Dicky.

In 8th grade… :)

1. CHICKS wore Uggs and The North Face denalis, hung in packs with their Razr Chocolates, and texted you from 20 feet away at the local high school football game about seeing the newest "Step Up" movie the next day where you’d probably get kicked out 20 minutes in from her and her friends' loud “whispering” and excited giggles.

2. IP Relay was the best way I knew to prank call CHICKS.

3. Field of Screams or Markoff's Haunted Forest, depending on where you were from, were 2 excellent sources for meeting CHICKS in October. Cornfields were social while if you went inside the actual trail with a group of CHICKS, it meant at least one of your buddies had a decent chance and the rest of you supported him because you’re boys!

4. You impressed chicks at St. Elizabeth’s and Resurrection dances with your mini bursts of testosterone during "Sandstorm."

5. On MySpace, you were pissed when the CHICKS you met at those dances started hanging with the Bethesda kids.

High school starts… :)

6. All guy school = major loser

If you went to an all-guy school you’re a big nerd and don't talk to CHICKS.

7. Kensington kids got away with everything; they’re little brats!

8. Nova friends = major weenies and took everything way too seriously and didn’t understand anything until they met me.

9. Cool Silver Spring kids all have something a little weird going on that made them cool.

10. Bethesda kids were just punks who loved waffle t’s and don’t understand what a long drive is since everyone else treks there for everything. It’s like, common!

11. Prep is too chill for a description.

12. Gonzaga kids would go to parties they weren’t meant to go to and just mess everything up and make the CHICKS laugh.

And this song or this song would be playing, and then the big guy would take over and play this song.

13. Good Clownschool is for clowns, and you throw pies at their faces.

14. St. Johns is where all the popular, wild kids go. (You don’t mess with them).

15. Dematha believes that they will win, but I don’t have any friends that went there, so I don’t know what else to say about them. They’re usually weirdly good at sports.

16. Freshman year, the crowds were The Bethany Boardwalk, Bethesda Regal Movie Theater, and Holy Redeemer on Halloween. It’s like, what’s the difference?! Hahahaha.

17. Cabs were the only way around for a while because of the strict license restrictions, unless you had a Mater Dei friend. Those guys were like 35 years old! I wonder if they’re even still alive!

18. When you’re 14 or 15, the Bethany boardwalk scene first week of August is fun, but each year that passes it starts to get a little weirder.

19. The BBPD don’t care about anything.

20. Water bottles are SICK!

21. Friends cooler than you - A lot of your friends were either lacrosse, basketball, or soccer: tall, strong jock guys and you just were kind of funny and said weird stuff, so they let you hang out with them. Maybe that’s just me!

22. JV Sports - Everyone except your actually athletic, tall jock friends played JV lacrosse and football. Most of you sucked, but the bus rides and making fun of the assistant coach were both hilarious, so that was cool.

23. Booster Clubs - Cheering sections were more than “Go team!” I’d say Gonzaga was best with this; we’d actually put on skits where the comedy guys would toast people, make clever remarks about why the other school is stupid and parents would laugh while the CHICKS we thought definitely for sure thought we were neat acted embarrassed but couldn't help but laugh and get a little excited.

24. HTTR - You can’t let go. You’re like Frodo! Most likely because your dad is like 55 and grew up during the glory years.

25. Mac Miller is SICK.

26. Girls love going to Georgetown because it’s “classy.”

27. Tim and Eric and Good Neighbor Stuff – “OMG I love Kyle! I want to marry Kyle.”

28. Speaking of which, you were convinced no one outside the little bubble of D.C. understood real doubly ironic “sarcasm,” but that was probably just you being a narcissistic little prick. Andy Kaufman was doing that sh*t decades ago; we’re just assholes.

29. Gregor Mendel. Who is it?

30. Liking Stuff - You can’t really be passionate about anything without getting made fun of to some degree.

31. You didn’t realize until junior year that there were mansion homes in Bethany North where the rich CHICKS threw PARTIES every night.

32. All non-Bethany parties were at the rich CHICKS’ houses in Potomac whose parents were always out of town.

33. You'd show up at that party and see dudes from Prep, St. Johns or Good Counsel that you haven't talked to since you drove past him for a layup in that 6th grade CYO basketball game. You guys are boys at parties!

34. You see these same kids you forgot existed at the respected all girl schools’ winter formals, which were SICK.

35. Sweatpants were the best distinction of which school the guys went to at the CHICKS’ parties.

36. Weird guy in friend group - You made fun of the goofy Steve Buscemi-type guy in your friend group to make the Holy Cross CHICKS laugh. He definitely had some sort of weird social thing going on, but he’s also hilarious and the man, too.

37. String bag kid - every friend group had that kid, and he knows a weird amount of CHICKS to the extent where something fishy was definitely going on.

38. The friend with the Bethany Beach house was a useful asset in the summer.

39. Bikes in Bethany were SICK.

40. Chipotle was SICK.

41. Film Fest was SICK.

42. WMZQ fest was SICK.

43. Sweet Life was SICK.

44. Firefly was SICK.

45. There are no rules on the Metro.

46. Hail Gonezaguh

Today… :)

47. Town Hall is Bethany Boardwalk 8 years later, but now everyone is in FRATS and knows BUSINESS terms and stands with good POSTURE.

48. You're still pissed those CHICKS you met at the St. E's dance started hanging with the Bethesda kids.

49. You weren't and still aren’t really that cool.

50. And Landon still knows boys.