Last week, a young woman was raped in her dorm room on my college campus.
She invited him over to hang out and deliberately told him she didn't want to have sex, but he forced her, even after she repeatedly said no. When he stopped, she immediately contacted authorities and completed a sexual assault kit at the hospital, while he remained naked and passed out on her bed until authorities detained him, according to The Independent Florida Alligator.
I saw posts about it on Facebook from various local newspapers, such as The Independent Florida Alligator and The Gainesville Sun, reporting the incident, and the comments underneath those shared articles baffled me.
Some comments shamed the rapist for his actions, while a majority made claims about the story and how, from their perception, it could be untrue.
Two separate men mentioned how it was "strange for a rape" and "far-fetched" that he stayed and slept in her bed. Another said the "false accusation" would ruin his life.
First, if he was willing to rape her, he obviously didn't see his actions as wrong. Second, according to the US Bureau of Justice's figures on rape and sexual assault, the number of cases that go unreported heavily outweighs those where a person is falsely convicted of rape. Only 35% of sexual assaults are reported.
It infuriated me, reading comments questioning if the victim's story was accurate.
This poor woman is undoubtedly struggling to deal with the aftermath of being raped. She is probably going to struggle with trust for a while, considering someone she knew and thought she could trust assaulted her. What she definitely doesn't need is random people who 1) probably don't even know her and 2) were definitely not there when he assaulted her commenting on her story, saying that she could be lying.
It is our job to believe the victim-- because it's right and it's so rare for stories of sexual assault to be fabricated. It is our job to realize how much bravery and courage it takes to come forward. Victims face so much criticism from both those who know them and those who don't. It is our job to support them during what is likely one of the hardest points in their life.
It does not matter what they were wearing. It does not matter whether or not they were intoxicated. It does not matter if they were acting promiscuous or being flirty or leading the other person on. It does not matter if he was a nice guy. It does not matter who or how many people she has slept with. It does not matter if it's out of their character, or that they would never do such a thing to someone (because sometimes, people do things out of their character).
The fact of the matter is: There is NOTHING on this Earth that could excuse rape.
Consent is a concept that NEEDS to be taught heavily to youth-- and early on. It needs to be engraved in children's brains that if someone says no, it means no- in all situations. It needs to be reinforced throughout a child's life and even afterward into adulthood. The only consent to sex that exists is a firm, consistent yes. If someone is intoxicated, they are not capable of consent. They have a right to revoke consent, and no, you cannot get angry at them for doing so.
To everyone reading: Let's change the conversation. Believe the victim, don't question the circumstances of their assault. It's probably difficult for them to discuss anyway, as it's a very personal matter, so having someone evaluating whether they could be lying does not help them.
Acknowledge how much courage it takes to come forward- aware of the criticism and questioning that lies ahead, but choosing to do so anyway.
If you have a friend who has been accused of sexual assault, don't dismiss the victim's story just because you think you know the alleged perpetrator. Realize that people you perceive as 'good' do horrible things sometimes.
To the victim (and all victims): I believe you. I am so very sorry this happened to you. I continually hope the best for you and wish you peace. Please know that you did nothing to deserve what happened. You are brave, you are courageous, and you are worthy.
