(Please note that the following article discusses queer orientations among men because that’s the context in which the “it’ll turn you gay” myth most often appears).
We've all seen it: little boys picking up Barbie dolls and being asked to put them down, putting hair clips in their hair and being told to remove them, being told, "No, you can't have that – it’s for your sister." It happens often, and for many children, learning not to touch “girly things” is just another way of life. But what's the motivation behind this? Why take something away from a child if the child seems to enjoy it and it isn't doing any harm?
"It'll turn you gay."
It's rare for anyone to voice this concern out loud anymore, but it's still there. It may be worded differently, but the sentiment is the same; "It's going to turn you gay."
In a heteronormative society like ours, traditionally feminine things are commonly viewed as being associated with women or the experience of femininity, so some parents worry that watching their little boys interact with pink things, dolls, or other "girl-centric" items will condition them to be feminine. What's wrong with femininity? Nothing, of course, unless it's adopted by boys – because a feminine boy is, of course, gay (or so people seem to believe). (And that is, by this logic, bad).
Lots of people grow up to realize that they're members of the LGBT+ community and that they always have been. This is common, but not everyone who identifies as anything other than straight has always been that way. It is a common misconception that all LGBT+ people are born with an inherent sexuality (thanks, Gaga) but let's face it – babies do not have sexualities; they are not sexual creatures, and neither are young children. Sexuality and romance, like personality, is something a child adopts over time as they grow and begin to realize where their feelings align. This means that some people do explore their interest in certain styles or items as a means of not only expressing themselves, but also learning about what it is that makes them happy.
So then what of the myth, “It’ll turn you gay”?
Sexuality, like every other aspect of life, can change over time as new experiences and new personality changes come into view. While it may be stable for some, for others sexual preferences and identities can be as fluid as fashion.
But can certain things – skirts, makeup, “girl toys” – turn someone gay?
In short, no.
While certain gendered items may bring a child to question certain things about themselves, the idea that boys should not experience or enjoy “feminine” things because it will influence their sexuality can be quite damaging. Over time, teaching boys to pull away from things that we allow girls to enjoy raises boys to associate traditionally feminine things as negative. “So what? I don’t want my son wearing skirts anyway.” Aside from the fact that this mindset is incredibly controlling (and gives your child the impression that you won’t keep loving them if they don’t meet your standards), it also leads boys to believe that emotional and sexual expression is “womanly,” and therefore that emotions in boys are unnatural and unhealthy. Lacking the ability to process emotions and sexuality in healthy ways can lead to violence, substance abuse, and quite simply a lot of confusion and frustration.
People are not static beings. We are dynamic, and our personalities and outlooks change as we grow and form experiences and relationships in the world around us. Children CAN learn more about themselves by interacting with feminine things, though those things do not have the ability to "turn a child gay" against their will.
So the next time your child picks up something in the pink-and-sparkly section of the toy department, take a moment to ask yourself if your homophobic discomfort at watching the child you love touch something feminine is really worth a lifetime of self-doubt and emotional back-tracking.
