I thought long and hard before beginning to write this article, but I believe it is incredibly important to know what kind of friends you have. Real friends support you, love you, and want the best for you. You also never have to question your friendship or ask if you're friends.

I spent years pouring my heart into several friendships and never getting anything back, and it broke my heart. I do not write this article as a means of revenge or a way to be petty, but because I do not want anyone else to experience the same pain as me.

This pain I have gone through has now resulted in me being surprised when people want to be friends with me, or even when people want to hang out with me. I always freak out inside at mutual friendships because I am not used to good, healthy friendships with so many people at once.

It's a true blessing to be able to call ten girls my best friends, and I know we will always be in each others' lives. However, I am still processing the fallout from my previous experiences. If you are currently doubting some of your friendships right now, go through this checklist of five things.

1. Real friends want to hang out with you.

The first sign that I was in a one-way friendship was that I always had to initiate hanging out, and they didn't prioritize our hangout time. Something would always come up. They didn't seem to hate me, but they never asked me to come over or planned dinner dates. I had to ask them to hang out. This led to me feeling like I was a burden and that I wasn't "good enough" to hang out with. (If you feel like this, know that you are NOT a burden and that you are good enough to spend time with. You are loved.)

2. Real friends don't let you leave the room feeling worse about yourself then when you first came in.

Secondly, our friendships seemed to be based on a lot of put-downs and negative humor. Real friends never let you leave a situation feeling worse about yourself than you did coming in. I'd laugh it off, but my heart was breaking internally. Was I really stupid? Was I there for anything but being the butt of the joke? Was I capable of being an adult?

3. Real friends never make you think you need to go find a new set of friends.

Real friends do not intentionally exclude you. They do not publicly plan things with you and then, months later, go on a trip without you and you have to find out about it online. Real friends, if something falls through, will always try to find another way to do things. When things like this happened to me, I seriously started doubting my value and my worth to these people. I also began to think that I needed to find new friends who cared about me as much as I cared about them. Your real friends should never make you think you need to go find a completely new set of friends.

4. Real friends open their hearts to you as you open your heart to them.

Last year was when some of these friendships began to break down completely, breaking my heart in the process. I opened my entire self up to certain people, only to come up against walls in return (To be fair, someone did completely let her walls down with me. But this was a rare instance in that group). To this day, I have not opened up completely to anyone, not even my "newer" close friends. It will be years before I allow myself to get in that deep with anyone again, perhaps even with my future husband. Real friends will open their hearts to you in return. Healthy friendships consist of an even give-and-take, not a one-person-giving-one-person-taking.

5. Real friends allow you to be friends with other people.

Finally, when I was kept from seeing other people in that friend group, I decided I had had enough. This was dumb. I should be able to see my friends if I wanted to. Real friends do not own other people! It took many tears and prayer sessions with my other friend group and parents, but I finally let go of that one toxic friendship and loosened my heart connections to the other people in that group. If they were complicit in how they were treating other people, I did not have to continue to allow myself to be treated poorly. So, I began to hang out with them less. I stopped initiating things and devoted my time and heart to people who loved me back.

I am still friends with some of them, but unfortunately, we will never be as close as we used to be. It is not an entirely hopeless situation, however. I have many happy memories from time spent in the dorms, in classes, and late nights doing homework. Time will pass by and hopefully heal the wounds in my and other peoples' hearts.

I want to clarify that when I'm talking about friendships, I mean the deep and soul-touching friendships. Not the ones that you occasionally say hi to, or eat meals with, or share a class with. Those are relatively easy to put boundaries around.

In addition, you do not have to be best friends with every single one of your friends. Don't spread yourself thin among too many people; instead, spare your innermost heart for just a few true friends. Those are the people who will carry you through college and beyond, who will weep and laugh and rejoice with you forever.