I am what I call directionally challenged.
I’ve been this way as long as I remember, and this semester, living in Florence, Italy, with its winding streets and alleyways, I find that even the closest destinations are an hour away.
Here are ten things that happen when you lack that directional gene:
1. It takes forever to get everywhere. You consider jogging places because you could actually get a good 30-minute run in while trying to find that little coffee shop you passed around the corner yesterday.
2. You’re always… early? Since I know I’m going to get lost at least once on my way to class, I always make sure to leave the house at a ridiculous hour. This means I have a good twenty minutes to stand outside of my classroom and mercilessly consult my Google maps to figure out where the hell I just spent the last hour.
3. You make new friends. “Hi, oh my gosh, I am so sorry but could you just… do you know where this is? No? What about this street? No? Ok… uh, thanks... I um… like your top.”
4. Worst nightmare: designated driving. First of all, drunk people aren’t very helpful with directions, and you definitely need the help. Second of all, they get very testy when you don’t know the way to their house if you’ve been there before.
5. You have that embarrassing childhood memory of having to give your address to the friend’s mom driving you home from school rather than pointing out each turn like your cool best friend in her cool overalls. Sigh.
6. You always have the best car playlists. You spend so much time alone on the road… what else are you going to do—other than jam—when you find yourself 20 miles out of town while trying to find that new juice bar that just opened?
7. Dropped pins become the only way. “Oh yeah it’s just off Merriwether which is just off 16th, past the big tree on your right!” Drop me a pin, or I’m not coming.
8. You have to take classes in rooms on the first floor. Basement of the chem building? I went down there one time for my Monday 9 a.m. and I didn’t come out until noon.
9. Everyone always reminds you of the fact that you don’t know your way around, and makes fun of you. Could you not? I’m trying to focus on how to get home from the grocery store right now.
10. You have one friend that is just as directionally challenged as you are… and when you hang out is it seriously questionable whether you will end up driving to brunch or Mexico.
