In high school I went to a tiny all-girls boarding school in the Pacific Northwest. There were 43 girls in my graduating class. I was comfortable there. I knew every nook and cranny of my school and could probably name the majority of the women in my entire high school. I never stepped out of my comfort zone because I was content.
I was comfortable there, but also always on my toes. Everyone knew every little thing about you and at times that was okay, but at other times it sucked. I had to plan my every move so that I never slipped up. When I did make a mistake it was barely forgiven. I had to be careful because women at this school didn't do anything wrong.
As I come into my junior year of college I still identify with that feeling of comfort, but this time around I'm goin' with the flow. I was successful in high school, but in retrospect, my angst wasn't a feeling I enjoyed. I have learned that I thrive as an individual when I am in a new environment. I have also learned that I shouldn't care so much what others are thinking about me.
In high school it wasn't social pressure, but academic pressure. The pressure to succeed and succeed greater than your classmates. Of course I want to do well, but I no longer strive to outdo my peers because in hindsight that is too tiring!
I am a different person. I do things for myself now. I let myself make mistakes because that is where I gain the most knowledge. I make the wrong turn because who's to tell me it's faulty? I don't give a $h*t what others think of me anymore because judgments don't phase me like they used to. I am gentle with myself because I am all I have. I am happy and I am comfortable and I am different than I was three years ago.
