My world became a living nightmare, nothing around me made sense anymore, the beauty I once saw in life vanished from my eyes and my faith went out the window. No one had answers, I mean they had the medical terms, but that’s not what I wanted to hear. I don’t really know what I wanted to hear.
My Grandpa was sick for a long time and we all knew that our time together was getting shorter. No matter how much you think you are ready, that phone call you get that confirms the worst, will always knock you down- it did me at least. My mom called right before my finals my freshman year of college and as I answered the phone I had this gut wrenching feeling I knew what she was about to say. I heard “Emily, Grandpa passed away last night.” Everything after that became a blur.
My Grandpa was one of my best friends. I grew up just a mile down the road from my Grandparents and spent most of my life with them. From sleepovers, to church, holidays- they came to every sporting game any one of their grandchildren had and they even came to watch me cheer. My Grandpa was a strong man, stubborn most the time, but he was wonderful. My memories of him come to me in flashbacks, like the time he stood outside shaking his head smiling as I pulled into their driveway driving the tractor for the first time alone. Grandpa couldn’t believe my dad let me, a little 10 year old girl, drive it alone. He told me he was proud of me- I’ll never forget that feeling.
So after losing him, I couldn’t move. Maybe some of you have felt this way after your heart breaks, but I never had that feeling before. I didn’t know how to handle it. I pushed a lot people away that were just trying to help, I lost my relationship with God and I learned to pretend to be happy for so long that I actually forgot what it felt like to be happy.
It took me over a year to finally accept his passing and during that time I became a different person. After a lot of support from family and friends and a lot of praying I found my faith in God again which led me to who I am today. I came out of this tragic experience a stronger person, I see the beauty in life again, I don’t have to fake being happy just to please people and I believe in God’s plan for us all. It wasn’t easy, but I made it out feeling better about who I am as a person than I have ever felt before. I thank those people who stood by my side never forcing me “to get over it,” but who gave me support. I apologized to the people I pushed away, but I realized I can’t apologize anymore, because going through what I went through was all part of the process, I am so happy with life and feel so blessed to have such an amazing support system around me. To have my faith back has helped me to know that my Grandpa is in a better place.
If you are going through a rough time, you will get through it. I promise.
