After 19 years of living in the US, I found out I have a duel citizenship. I was born in Rochester, NY on May 21, 1997. From that moment, I classified myself as an American citizen. I didn’t know that my parents made me a citizen of Thailand. When I found out, I was shocked. As of that day, not only was I a citizen of the United States, I was a citizen of Thailand as well.
When I was 5, my childhood neighborhood was under development. When new neighbors started rolling in, my parents would introduce themselves and I would follow them around. I would say, “Hi my name is Caterina, I’m an American citizen!” because that’s what we learned in class. My mother laughed and said that I wasn’t. I didn’t understand what she meant by that. The earliest memory I had, I always thought that because I was born on American soil, I was only American.
When my sister was born, my parents figured that it was right to start teaching us how to speak Thai and Lao. To be honest, we understood phrases my parents said around the house: clean your room, go take a shower, and eat up. The rest were taught to us by a video for kids to learn how to speak. It didn’t help me much because I was focusing on the trains in front of the TV rather than the program itself. Plus, it felt like it was 6 hours long! At most, it was probably 30 minutes, but still, that’s too long for a 6-year-old child! So I didn't learn Thai or Lao, I didn't need it at the time because everyone I knew spoke English.
Going to a school that had a majority of white people, I felt alone. There was only 1 other kid that I knew in my class that was Asian. I talked to him a couple of times, but we weren’t friends. It was difficult. I remember bringing in dumplings, rice and pork, and bubbly soda from the market my parents went to. The kids picked on me for what I was eating. I begged my mom to buy Lunchables, Fruit Gushers, Doritos, anything to make everyone not stare at me because I was eating something different. I remember going to Walmart with my mom and her staring at the snacks, debating whether to buy those snacks for my sister and me. I didn’t know that because I begged her to get me the American snacks I wanted to bring, I was making her give up the things she can show me and my sister about her country. I had assimilated into the American culture. I bought clothes from Hollister, Abercrombie and Fitch, and Aeropostale. I made sure that what I was wearing matched anything that the actresses would wear on TV like any normal teenage girl. I wanted to eat American food; hamburgers, hot dogs, bologna sandwiches, Lays chips. I just wanted to fit it so that all the teasing would stop.
When I was 13, I looked at the mirror and saw my reflection. No matter what I do, eat, or wear, I will never look like everyone else.
Six years have passed. I’ve met so many people who have accepted me for me instead of the way I looked. Sure, I get questions about my family’s culture. I’m happy to answer what my family does. I regret not being open to my family’s culture. I regret not going to the temple to pray with the monks, not learning the language, not enjoying the Thai cuisine my mom enjoyed. It took me so long to realize what I missed out on throughout my childhood. It’s nice to know my family’s back story and how they came to America. They gave up everything to assure that their future would be better. They made sure that when I grow up, and when my sister grows up, we wouldn't have to face the hardships that they faced. They made sure that we were given a chance at what we want to go into, to have the freedom to do whatever we choose. I’m so proud of them for making the trip and going through the hardship of discrimination. I’m so thankful that they helped provide a better future for my sister and me and I don’t know how I could ever repay that. Thank you, mom and dad. You’ve both have raised me so well and given us so much love. You’ve given up so much to provide your children with a better future and we will always be thankful for what you’ve done.
