“I didn’t mean that…” To me, this sentence always brings along sadness and regret. The appearance of this sentence means at least one side of the conversation is hurt, physically or mentally. The reason why I feel harshness in this sentence is because of the kind of situation attached to it: you did not intend to hurt somebody, but you accidently hurt yourself too; in the end, both sides can be affected negatively.

I am the kind of person who would feel really bad if I accidentally hurt someone. It can be about anything such as a joke, or just a brainless moment of talking without thinking. Each time this situation happens, I understand that although I did not mean anything bad, that person is still not me to know what is going on in my mind and will only feel things the way they see it at the moment. Afterwards, the only thing I can say immediately is: “Sorry…I didn’t mean that…” If it was my lucky day, the person would set everything aside and we would act normal again. If it was one of my bad days, he or she would walk away feeling bad about herself, and of course, I would be there torturing myself of how bad a person I am. I am usually very careful with my words and will only joke around if I feel comfortable enough around people. However, I tend to make a lot of sarcastic jokes around my best friends and I got used to my friends knowing me well enough to actually join in the jokes with me, that I sometimes assume everyone would be the same. As a result, some people misunderstood that I was just trying to have fun and got offended. I then ended up trying to explain to them that my jokes were completely harmless and I did not intend to offend anybody. In the end, the sad sentence also comes with a long process of trying to make things right again.

If “I didn’t mean that…” hurts both sides of the conversation, a conflicts also affect two sides of a story. A conflict is always something unwanted but unavoidable. In order for a conflict to rest in peace without dragging any side effects, it needs to be resolved in the properly. And it sure takes up a lot of work to solve a problem properly. The first step and the most important step as well in my opinion is the analyzing process. You have to have a clear view on an issue, before coming into any conclusions or solutions. From my point of view, an anatomy of a conflict starts with the solver – the person who investigates into the issue. The person should be an outsider to bring objectivity views and avoid favor towards only one side of the story. Once a suitable solver has been found, two sides of perspectives should be heard and analyzed fairly. After surgery of a conflict, we should be able to take out its body parts: its reason, motivation, main problem, attitude and further consequences. We should identify what or who cause the issue, evaluate actions, consider attitudes and draw out possible solutions to prevent further results. Just like a physical operation, every step needs to be done with care and preciseness. It is not easy to stay neutral during a conflict since one may likely get pulled into one side, so it is best to keep have your mind opened and be willing to listen and observe every aspect. In the end, ending the conflict once and for all without having any hard feelings or future effects remained is the last but hardest step. It is not always easy to recover after being hurt or offended, so subtle treating will highly be recommended.

Nobody wants conflicts to happen, but it does not mean that they will never do. However, whether a conflict happens by accident or unintentionally, it still needs to be treated fairly to reach to the final goal of coming to solutions. The end of the conflict should stay still; no pieces should be dragged to the future.