7 a.m.: Today I woke up promptly when the flesh ball began to stir. Why must they insist on touching me when I am trying to sleep? Here I am, slumbering away, only to be awoken by a monstrous paw coming down on my head. Ugh, I hate the mornings. Does the human not understand that I stayed up until 3 a.m. playing with that piece of string on the floor? That string is out to get me. It lays there taunting me. One day, I will end that string, mark my words, mark my words.
9 a.m.: The flesh ball has begun to make breakfast. It smells like bacon and eggs, a meal fit for the gods, a meal fit for me. What is this dry brown crap the humans put in my dining bowl? I'm sick of this. It's hard as rocks, do they not see how hard I have to work to chew this? I will meow in protest, and if that fails, I will go fetch a treat from outside and demand that the human prepares it for me. Fresh off the field, that is something fit for me.
9:30 a.m.: The human has entered into the falling water chamber, my arch nemesis. I remember when I was younger and they would put me in it as a joke... that monster. Since then I have achieved my revenge; I have thrown up in their shoes on several occasions, a payback that seemed most fit. I just do not understand why humans do not use their tongues to bathe.
10:30 a.m.: The human just left through the portal and shut it quickly behind them. I wonder what is out there? Where do the go and what do they do? Why is that other world forbidden to me...
2 p.m.: I have just awoken from my slumber. That glowing ball rose in the sky and its light beamed through the windows directly onto my face. As much as I like to bask in the glow of that strange orb, I do not like when it wakes me up. I must return to the darkness; perhaps a nice box will suffice.
3:30 p.m.: It is time to get revenge on the flesh ball for awaking me this morn. I think I will hop up onto their work desk and knock off everything. Pens, pencils, a box of tissues, the lamp! It will all end up on the ground. Revenge is sweet..
6 p.m.: The human has returned! It's not like I missed them or anything... I uh... just ate the rest of my kibble, that's all. I attempted to make my way out the portal, but they caught me and placed me back inside. Why am I not allowed out there? Perhaps I will bite the flesh ball's feet later in protest.
9 p.m.: The flesh ball is eating their dinner. I smell steak and potatoes. I hopped up and attempted to steal a piece and was promptly placed back on the ground. When they got up to grab a drink, I snuck my paw up and snatched one right off the plate without them noticing, that fool! Now I shall make the sad eyes at them until they finally give me a piece, unknowing that I have already had one.
11 p.m.: The fleshy one has begun their bedtime preparations. I have made my way up to their bed and claimed my space, approximately a good 70 percent of the bed. Perhaps if I accumulate more space on the bed they will proceed to give me the whole bed. I have had a hard day full of napping, string-hunting and more napping. I'm pooped, time to rest.
