A Deviant Smile
Most people think that a deviant behavior is a bad thing, for the most part they are right. The definition of deviance is any behavior, idea, attitude, or belief that goes against the dominant social norms of any given culture. Going with the grain is normally a very good thing and has become an evolutionary tool of survival for our species. Being normal gets us along in society. By not rocking the boat we are able to assimilate to many different situations. When we are all being the trained cattle we are supposed to be we keep the cycle of our society continuing. We often seek to be seen as normal to try and fit in. It is a good thing to fit in and belong. Then why do our minds automatically search out that which is different? We can spot something different in someone from fifty paces. Like seriously the minute you see a smiling purple spotted crowd in our herd we are going to watch it and judge it. This is very sad for the smiling purple spotted cow because she is still just a cow like the rest of the herd. It is so strange how we see ourselves as unique wonderful individuals but we all try to conform to whatever it is society thinks we should be so we all end up being just the same cookie cutter cows. Afraid that we will stand out like the poor smiling purple spotted cow. The bravery that strong cow had to stand in all her smiling glory of purple spots and know that she was going to be judge but did it anyway that indeed is one special cow. This unique individual had the gall to show society itself and know that it was ok to be the kind of cow that’s different.
Why this cow analogy you may ask? Well we are all a herd of animals for the most part and while this is a good thing it keeps us trapped in a fence of our own making. Being different is ok within social parameters. We are so busy in our own lives that it seems we don’t even have the time to smile. There was a time in our not so distant past where manners were a very prevalent folkway of our society. It should have been strengthened over time into mores that eventually became laws to help with the feeling of connectivity and kindness in our society. But alas this has not happened. Manners are barely even folkways anymore. Most in our society feel as though etiquette is antiquated. The Gessellschaft social controls of mind your own business and keep to yourself has added an extra layer of fencing around the individuals cows in our herd. This is not a good thing. The Gemeinshaft way of close knit community may be a little overwhelming but it sure would help the tribe less find a place to belong. In this small town thinking it was ok to make eye contact, smile and acknowledge the people you saw while you were out. This small acknowledgement makes most people feel better. This maybe old fashioned but the small things really do matter most in life, like when you throw a stone in the water and it ripples. When enough people are making ripples it can really make a difference turning these tides into giant waves of goodness will come to us.
For a long time now I have been practicing my own deviant smile. Everywhere I go I smile and make eye contact with whomever I see. This has changed a lot of things for me. At first it was only to make myself feel better. I would get a kick out of the reactions I got shock, happiness, and fear were just some. I would only do it once in a while. Then one day as I sat in my car I made eye contact and smiled at the guy in the car next to me then waved. The look on his face like I was a loon and how he got real stiff, eyes huge then turned away made me laugh for days. So I decided to try it more often. In the car, at the store, or wherever I go I will smile and make eye contact with as many people as I can. The reactions people have to me are mostly warm and inviting. I have been able to help several people in little ways just by doing this, rather its help a little old lady reach something from a top shelf, help a lost traveler find his way or just make a new friend this smiling thing has really helped improve my overall attitude. When I am having a very bad day I used to seclude myself. Now I force myself to go out and smile. This has helped me get out of my own head a bit and realize that while my problem at the moment is tough, I will get through it with a smile. I am not saying that all of it is positive sanctions I receive like there are some really creepy dudes I walk away from quickly. I still smile and sometimes people get confused like “do I know you? Why are you smiling at me?” I tell them I am being friendly and that it’s a normal thing. Most people just shrug and move on. I even tried to do a 7 day smile challenge because I really felt like it would help make our society feel more inclusive and make people feel better because of all the smiling they would see. It’s so simple for seven days everywhere you go and come into any form of contact smile at that person. As so far though there have been no takers. Apparently most of the herd would rather throw their cash at a problem or throw a bucket of ice water on their heads then make the effort to smile at their neighbor. We all live on the same planet so we are all neighbors. I think people are afraid of strangers but we are not strangers to one another. We are all made in His image and through this related to one another. To me this means that everyone I see has a piece of God in them and that makes them my relation. It’s strange to me that people seek out differences to find the unique then shun them for being so. It’s strange to me that people walk around all the time without smiling or even seeing the beauty that is all around us. It’s strange to me that our society is so full of people but empty with connections. I am very aware of the fact there are so many people out there lonely for family or just a connection to others. A smile is a great way to spark that connection so that our society can become more loving and filled with belonging. I do so hope that the 7day smile challenge will take off. It would be a wonderful way to influence society in a positive manner with well manners. In the meant time I am going to be this widely smiling purple spotted cow standing next to the main fence trying to get the other cows to hurdle on over.
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