Many of us from the Desi culture know the struggle of growing up in America. Constantly having to balance both cultures can take a huge toll on our mental health. Trying to keep our parents and relatives happy while also trying to fit in the American lifestyle is always something ABCDs have difficulty with growing up.
There are so many of us that go through the same struggles, so why not join together and let others know that they are not alone?
Here are 9 things we want to you to know about our Desi community.
1. Growing up with two different cultures is harder than you think
It’s not easy to hold onto both cultures that mean so much to you. Growing up with the constant Indian pressures of becoming a doctor, lawyer or engineer (BLAH) is hard to deal with especially when our other American friends get to choose what they want to be when they grow up. Don’t get me wrong, some of us really do have a heart for science and law, but some of us also just want do something we love one day other than the sciences.
2. We want independence and we want your trust
While most American children are given their independence at 18 years old, us Indian kids don’t get independence until we’re married. Yup, you read that right. And even after marriage, our arranged marriage husbands won’t give us the independence we want either, which brings me to my next point…
3. Not all love marriages end up in divorce
Indians tend to have a misconception about love marriages, often saying that if you do have a love marriage, your marriage will most likely end up in divorce. If you have an arranged marriage, your parents will find you some guy THEY think is perfect…
4. Keeping us locked up at home doesn’t mean we won’t rebel
I’ve seen it with my own eyes many, MANY times. The kids who are always protected by their parents from going to parties end up being the first one to chug a 6 pack beer later on in life. Give us some independence, that’s all we ask. We promise we won’t get arrested… maybe.
5. Mental health in the South Asian community is a very REAL thing
You’ll be surprised how many kids from South Asian descent are struggling with some type of mental health disorder every day. Stop pointing out how much weight we’ve gained. Stop pointing out how bad we look in a certain dress. Stop pointing out our bad habits that our future husbands may not like one day. You cannot change who we are. You cannot control us. Please remember that. We may have been birthed from you, but for goodness sake, we are not your personal dolls to customize how you would like us to be.
6. Not all of us can make a perfectly round roti
In fact, some of us can only make cereal. Did you know husbands can cook too??? Yup, women don’t have to always take care of the house. Shocking, I know. Living such a busy lifestyle, you expect us to work a tiring job, get married, have a family, cook, and basically be the best wife/mother in the world without making ourselves go insane. My cooking abilities shouldn't define my qualities to be a great wife. Seriously, what if I want to just eat Taco Bell for the rest of my life! Yum, Taco Bell...
7. We want to wear the clothes we choose, not what you choose
No, we don’t want to wear a Punjabi suit and pant all the time. We live in America, sometimes we want to wear ripped jeans just for the hell of it. Clothes do not define who we are. Let us wear what we want. Just because you may have worn a turtleneck shirt every day when you were growing up, doesn't mean we should have to also.
8. Aunties can wear sarees that show skin, but of course, *we* can’t
This is really messed up. The same people who show skin in sarees tell us not to show skin at all. If this doesn’t make you want to hit your head against a wall, I don’t know what else will. Showing skin in the South Asian community is basically forbidden, especially when you are a young, unmarried woman. It's time for young South Asian girls to make a difference in our community and stand up for those who don't have a voice. Feminism is more powerful than ever and I would say now is the time to stand up for what we want.
9. Times were different when you were growing up!! I cannot stress this enough
There have been countless times in which I've heard the phrase, "When I was your age..." It's 2018! Times have changed, new technology has emerged. When you were a kid, your parents may have told you to act in a certain way that you may have not liked. You may have also remembered telling your parents that times have changed. Well now ABCD's are saying the same thing, except in a different country! It's hard growing up with two cultures that mean so much to us. Trying to fit in causes us a lot of stress because we want to keep both cultures happy.
