We’ve all heard “you deserve better” from a loved one at some point in our lives. This is also a common line young adults use when breaking up with someone when they don’t know how to clearly express their feelings. However, that saying needs to be rolled up and locked away because psychologically, it affects someone more than you’d think.        

I’ll admit I’ve heard this saying more than once; I walked away discouraged and looking for someone who was better than the man who said it to me. After all, I was told I deserved better; I thought the guy saying it to me was one great man, and I just didn’t know what else there could be to find. Suddenly, I realized after years of dating multiple guys that I deserve anyone. 

As an individual, you have the right to decide what you do and do not deserve. It is not another person's place to decide for you. If you are willing to put up with their arrogant remarks or immature attitude, they should hold on to you like a child with their first balloon. If they lose you, they should be devastated.       

Men and women use this saying as a cop out. They mosey around the larger picture of what went wrong in the relationship that made them feel that it should end. It is an immature and weak way to explain to a woman why this should end and why he/she is practically handing her/him off to someone that is supposedly “better” than him/her. Which in a way, is an insult to him/her.      

Personally, I feel that I would rather hear “I can’t give you what you want.” I can get past that; I would look back at the times we expressed our future goals and connect them to examples of why he can’t be a part of accomplishing them with me. It’s easy to understand. Because simply saying, “you deserve better,” makes it obvious that he just doesn't want to hurt my feelings by completely being honest and coming clean about not caring for me anymore. Save us the nights lying awake wondering where I went wrong, or the months, maybe even years, of searching for a guy who is better than you.   

So ladies and gentlemen who have heard this questionable saying and have been left dumbfounded, those of you who have sat there asking yourself, “alright if you think I deserve better, then how about you point me in the right direction.” Listen up. You deserve better because you are ready to be loved and are willing to give love out. And when you look back on how that person treated you, you will realize they would have never loved you the way you loved them. You now know it, and they have always known this. It’s the correct action to take; they just chose a poor way to express it.  

The love you have to give is valuable; you should never hand it out to someone that is unappreciative and incapable of returning the favor. It’s not you who is the problem in the relationship. You gave them everything you could give and they walked all over it, until they realized they cared about you enough to let you go.      

Nevertheless, do not discourage those who have said this line to you. I find that it has given me higher expectations in relationships that are necessary and obtainable. Don’t run away and search for someone completely opposite because Mr. or Mrs. Right said they didn’t deserve you. “We accept the love we think we deserve.” However, we need to take a step back, evaluate the situation, and consciously decide in the beginning of a relationship if this is how we want to be loved. 

You deserve someone who will love you now, hold you forever, and leave you never. 

“You deserve everything. Everything great. Everything that’s not me.”