i still remember, four years ago, i was sitting down in my bed. i had just woken up, and the first thought that came into my head was “what’s going on? why do i still feel the way i did yesterday?” — and it hit me deep. i sat there for a few more minutes thinking about it. i felt miserable. i felt an inner emptiness. i couldn’t understand why i still felt that way.

that’s when i realized that a kind of cold had started to creep into my bones, into my muscles, into my mind, into the depths of my being. i noticed how the image of myself was deteriorating as the days went by. i was always with a constant knot in my throat, and if someone tried to untangle it, i would burst into tears.

pain was the only thing that comforted me on those nights when i ended up crying on that pillow. there were times when i cut myself, other times when i drank, or times when i tried to disappear forever. despair and frustration took hold of me. i wanted to feel something other than that pressure on my chest. i wanted to feel something physically, the emotional pain was already too much.

i would isolate myself so as not to disturb anyone, so i would spend many hours alone. or this is what i thought, until a few years ago.

for me, depression has been both a curse and a blessing. it made me shut myself out and suffer in solitude for a long time, i suffered the consequences of that, it destroyed me, but it also helped me to become stronger, to understand that sometimes we have to fall down so that later we can see things that we didn’t see before when we were well, and to value those dark moments, because they have been the only thing that keeps me alive today, because they have helped me to become the person i am today.

i still have a lot to learn, but i am a faithful believer that the hardest experiences make the most faithful counselors.

depression is a pretty difficult and tough mental illness, and the stigma around it is dangerous, so it’s important to educate ourselves on these issues, because after all, we all have a brain and a mental health to take care of. we must be compassionate, help others, but we must also take care of ourselves and strengthen our emotional management, as well as our self-esteem.

sometimes it is hard not to have someone to talk to, but if you are reading this and you find yourself in that same position, i offer you my hand. you can leave me a message on my instagram account (@onestoriedmind), and i will reply as soon as possible.

i just want you to know that you are not alone, that i know that what you are fighting against is pretty tough, but i also know that you are tougher than this mental illness. you are going to get through this, because you have survived the worst days of your life, those days when you thought you were not going to do it. i know you can do it. i have faith in you.