You lay in bed and stare blankly at the ceiling.
Sun rays are coming through the window as they cast tiny silhouettes onto the floor. Life seems to be busily carrying on around you. You hear neighbors conversing, car engines buzzing down the road, dogs howling, and birds singing little hymns.
No one seems to notice that you aren't moving along with the rest of the world.
No one notices when you cry out for help.
So you just lay there
and lay there.
And suddenly its 3:17 p.m. and your tummy is growling because you haven't gotten out of bed to eat or pee or anything for that matter.
You start to think, "Why am I like this?"
The world is falling down around you and the walls are closing in. You feel suffocated and stuck. You're not claustrophobic but this disease casts a blanket of iron over your shoulders and you feel trapped. This feeling is like none other, and the waves inside you are crashing so fiercely. You are overwhelmed and overcome.
You're drowning and you want someone to notice. Someone to take the initiative to help you, but anytime someone gets close enough you're response is always, "Im alright" or "I've just had a rough week." You want someone to help but at the same time you dare not to come off as anything less than fine.
The truth is, you're not fine.
You're heart is fragile and your mind is exhausted. You have succumbed to this negative feeling. You feel as though you have failed and you long for the days where you will no longer force yourself to smile. Trust me you are not alone in this.
One day you will be driving down the road and you'll catch yourself humming to a song on the radio.
You'll wake up and stretch and look forward to the day ahead.
You'll find the love you're heart so desires
or the dream job you spent 4+ years of college for.
You'll get that house that you saw on Better Homes and Gardens
Or that car.
You won't be in this place forever. I know at this exact moment it seems inconceivable to imagine. You wonder when things will start to look in your favor. When will things get better. Honestly, if I knew the answer, I would tell you; however, I don't know. Nobody does but I promise it will.
The waves are crashing on this tiny island of yours and you worry you will drown, but trust me when I say, the tide will soon recede and the darkness will fade into light.
