Depression is something I’ve struggled with from a really early age. I can’t remember a time when there wasn’t this negativity holding me back from my full potential. Depression isn’t something you can just “get over”.
1. Getting out of bed in the morning is a chore.
Every morning when my alarm goes off, it doesn’t matter how many hours I just slept… I want to sleep more. I think about all of the reasons I can tell my professors that I won’t be in class for. I weigh the pros and cons of getting my college degree. The little voice in my head keeps telling me that whatever I’m supposed to do today isn’t as important as sleeping a little longer.
2. Making plans is easier than actually keeping them.
I’m always down for a good time. Unless that good time involves me leaving my house and me making an effort to look somewhat decent in public. I used to look forward to going out with friends “just because”. Now, I don’t even want to leave my bed to go to school much less for any other reason, so whenever a friend cancels on me I’m not even phased anymore because I actually didn’t want to go.
3. There are lots of things I love doing, but I just don’t do them anymore.
I just don’t feel like doing as much as I used to. I used to be the go-to person when my friends were looking to have some fun with. I used to be down for almost anything at almost any time. Now I have to check my schedule and use my dog or my job as an excuse to say “no”. I am no longer a “yes” girl. Now I’m a “I just don’t feel like it” girl.
4. I don’t even need a reason to be sad to be sad.
A lot of people will ask me “what’s wrong?”, “are you okay?”, or “can I do anything?”. Sometimes I literally have no reason to be sad, I just am. There isn’t anything that I or anyone can do about it. It’s frustrating, and I hate it.
5. Whenever I’m happy I mess it up.
Some days something will happen that makes me super super happy, but it feels weird because I’m hardly ever happy. Instead of just being happy and enjoying it, I tend to look for reasons why I shouldn’t be happy at all. It’s almost like I feel guilty for being happy if I ever am. It’s something I desperately want for myself, but it just feels so strange whenever it happens.
6. I constantly remind myself that some things I just can’t change.
I have a terrible habit of thinking about things that have happened in my life that went sour. I always think about how things could have gone differently and how I may have liked things better if they had. I have to tell myself that at the end of the day whatever happened that day was supposed to happen. That is the only way I can move on with my day or life.
I don’t have the time to be sad or upset over things I literally have no control over.
