Depression Is Amorphous & Intangible
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

My Depression Is A Clenched Fist Around My Heart

Even after years of feeling this, it's never gotten easier.

276
My Depression Is A Clenched Fist Around My Heart
Zoe James

Depression is something that is different for everyone. It's a form of illness that affects everyone differently, but those that it does affect can speak endlessly about the dreaded lifestyle one leads when they suffer from it.

Something that I don't think a lot of people know about depression, even the most chronic, severe forms of it, is that it isn't necessarily constant. Some days, you can wake up and feel fairly normal. You can go about your day normally, following your routines, and not once feel the gray sluggishness drag you down.

Yet, other days, you can wake up, and the whole world seems significantly more daunting, less inviting, and everything feels like it has a gray tint to it all, like a thin layer of dust. You won't want to do anything except sit in bed and think and maybe cry and contemplate your self-worth. You won't even be able to get out of bed or take a shower. You'll use the bathroom, maybe, but that's as good as it will get.

And then the next day, you can feel somewhere in between the two extremes.

Depression is amorphous and almost intangible. It cannot be pinned down as any one thing and no single description can fully depict it in all its ugly forms.

For some, depression is a slight sadness that comes and goes with stress and other outside factors. For some, depression is a never-ending battle of wanting to get out of bed but not having the emotional strength to do so. For some, depression is a conquerable challenge that no longer poses a threat to their everyday happiness or productivity.

For me, depression is a fist clenched around my heart, making me feel each beat as it pumps the blood through my veins. It is a blanket of sadness thrown over me at random times, one that is almost too heavy to lift some days and one that is as thin, transparent as rice paper on other days. For me, depression seems to dwindle and be manageable, until one day I wake up and feel the fist wrapped around my heart yet again.

I have yet to see a day where I can no longer remove the blanket or uncurl the fingers holding me hostage, but this is a practice that took me years to perfect, and isn't a short process, no matter how many times I do it.

What I'm trying to say, I guess, is that learning to cope with depression can take time, and honestly, it may be something you always struggle to cope with, even when you've been facing it head on for more years than you can count. There is no simple answer or simple cure, nor do any of the possible answers/cures apply to everyone with depression. You just have to keep testing and trying until one day, you find the way out from under the blanket.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

54877
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

35315
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

957485
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

184217
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments