Psalm 63:3 Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee.

Something I have been struggling with lately is perception. Not how I am perceived by others, although that is a topic for another time. I have been fighting with the idea that we come into this world completely oblivious. We only believe what we are told. Our parents and the people around us have complete control over our reality, for some this might only last until we reach a certain age, however, some people go their entire lives dwelling solely on what they were told as a child.

I did not have a perfect childhood. I would not even call my childhood "good." My parents divorced when I was three. My dad struggles with alcoholism. My mother lives with mental illness, as well as addiction.

Early on, I saw things no child should see. At age three, I was forced to watch my mother get her stomach pumped after an overdose of pills. She was hospitalized on two separate occasions for mental health evaluations and treatment. When I made the choice, at age fourteen, to remove myself from my mother's house and live with my father I was told, "Your mom is going to kill herself and it is going to be your fault." Shortly after, my dad went to rehab and I took on the responsibilities of a household.

I was always told growing up that someone, somewhere has it worse. I was always told that my emotions and feelings were something to hide. That everything was okay and I had it better than most. That I had a good life. Every family has its problems.

Every family DOES have its problems. It was not okay to suppress my emotions. The things that I saw and the trauma I have had to live with, those things needed to have been communicated and coping skills formed. It is not something to be tucked away in a closet.

My perception was influenced by those around me telling me that the situation I was in was typical. I didn't need to feel sorry for myself, even when I was worried about where the next meal I would have would come from.

We come into this world and believe what we are told, because in our minds our parents are good. They would not lie to us, right? They would not manipulate us into trusting them. They would not suppress our feelings. These things are just not the truth in some cases. So what good can come from all this darkness?

Around 8.3 million kids live with a parent who abuses alcohol or other drugs. Among the behavioral traits parents can pass on to their children is a predisposition toward alcohol abuse and addiction. Among those abusing alcohol, people who are genetically predisposed to alcoholism have a higher risk of developing an alcohol use disorder. <addictioncenter.com>

I was not raised in church, however, I believed and talked to God for as long as I remember. I believe that God puts us in situations for a reason and that no time is wasted time. The cards we are dealt as children are beyond our control, and sometimes seem unfair. God's promises to us are that of light. When you choose to believe in God and accept him into your heart, your life will change. He turns darkness into light and creates a beautiful ending from a tragic beginning. The odds were very much against me. I have been told by many professionals that someone who comes from situations like mine rarely ever succeed in life. They often find themselves in the same vicious cycles as their parents. The cycle can be broken. I am living proof that God draws near to the brokenhearted and will deliver us from evil. The choice is as simple as saying, "God, I choose you."

"From the end of the Earth I call to you when my heart is faint, lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Psalm 61:2