In all of us, no matter how much of a Scrooge we may believe ourselves to be, lies the spirit of Chrimbus. As we all know, Jebus was born over 2000 years ago. He was so loved that even today people celebrate his birthday. It sounds like he had a wicked time. Three wise men popped in to say hello after following a star and gave him some aftershave. His mum finally found a barn to birth him in because all the innkeepers were so inconsiderate. Sheep, mice, and other farmyard animals all watched, as he burst from his mother's uterus and changed the world forever.
That's how the story goes, but for many of us living in 2016 who aren't religious, the fact that Jebus was graced upon the world all those years ago is about as important as an astronaut farting (but probably not so distressing). The real reason that we still celebrate Chrimbus all across the Western world (and sometimes beyond) is because -- no not because of capitalist marketing schemes set up by companies to give the proletariat yet another reason to frivolously waste their year's savings and keep themselves at the bottom rung of the monetary ladder -- of Dee Vee.
Dee Vee helps us reconnect with our families, cherish the memories with our friends and most importantly help us decide exactly what we want for Chrimbus. With his lazer eyes, he penetrates our soul and manages to eek out our inner-most desires. His first physical manifestation (quite distinct from his initial spiritual one at the dawn of time) appeared on the Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! Before an audience of washed up middle-aged-men in suits, he can be witnessed rotating on a raised platform while Tim and Eric sing to him in an unforgettable televised experience. "Oooh Dee Vee, I wish you were my son!" still rings in my head whenever I see a fairy-topped Chrimbus tree.
The cameras of our age have given us magnificent insights into places our own eyes cannot reach and vividly recorded things our fickle memories have a way with allowing to crumble into time. One such event is the time Dee Vee died. Lying in bed, he reveals to the young girl at his bedside that "Dee Vee, is me me," before wobbling his arms up and down. Though he is weak and at the edge of his life, he fulfills the youngster's desires by granting her Chrimbus wish, at the price of his own life.
With so many stories to live by, Dee Vee teaches us almost as much as the greatly remembered Jebus, or perhaps even more. Just remember that when you hang out with your beautiful family on the 25th of December (or 24th in Czeck Republic), that Dee Vee learned that Chrimbus isn't just about getting people what they want, it's about giving people what they need.
Are you feeling the Chrimbus Spirit? Comment below!
