This year is the big anniversary for many losses in my life. It will be the 10th anniversary of when I lost my Nana, the year anniversary for when I lost my Grandpa and the year one of my aunts passed away. It’s a little overwhelming to think so much time has passed when it feels like just yesterday, they were right here with me.

I have so many beautiful memories with these people, and I would like to dedicate this post to them. But even though it was, and still is, hard, my faith has kept me afloat and comforted me when it seems like I’ll never smile again.

I lost my Nana when I was just 10 years old. I couldn’t understand why she had to leave. I knew she was sick. I knew it would come eventually, but no matter how much you try to prepare yourself for the passing of a loved one, it hits you out of nowhere like a freight train. It was the first time I had really experienced loss.

So many thoughts went through my 10-year-old head. She wouldn’t be here for my Confirmation. She wouldn’t be here for my high school graduation. She wouldn’t be here to see me get married. I couldn’t imagine not seeing her smiling face anymore or playing the memory game we both loved so much.

Good times passed through my head, too. She used to pick me up from kindergarten a few days a week. Sometimes, we would go to the River Walk and get McDonald’s for lunch and play at the park. She always called butterflies “flutterbyes.” It was hard seeing her go, and it doesn’t get easier. I’m reminded of her in so many unexpected ways. I miss her so much, but I know she’s with our Savior, and I will see her again someday.

My grandpa was the next big loss in my life. This one was truly unexpected. One day, he’s having surgery to repair a broken hip, something I thought was routine. Two weeks later, he’s gone. It was so difficult going to the hospital, seeing him hooked up to all those machines, seeing my grandma so torn up that her true love was leaving her.

It was hard to think that the last time I saw him awake was five months prior to this at Christmas, and I would never see him awake again. I remembered all the good times we had – his lighthearted teasing, my little toddler self telling him to be nice when he was teasing me, sitting on his lap, sharing popcorn together, his favorite chips (which to this day I still refer to as “Grandpa Chips,” not the actual brand name).

He had a good heart, and I miss him so, so much, but I know he’s up there in Heaven with his beloved dog, Kuma, watching over us, something I like to remind myself and my grandma about on the hardest days.

My Auntie Carla was another unexpected loss. She was the youngest of the siblings on my Mom’s side, so this was really hard on everyone. When she first went into the hospital, and we got the prognosis, everyone tried to prepare themselves for the end. But like I said, no matter how much time you get to prepare, it always blindsides you. It’s always hard.

Again, good memories went through my head. She was one of my godparents at my baptism.

My brother and I used to go over to her house all the time and play with her dog, Cooper. I used to watch the VHS of “Charlotte’s Web” over there, too. She would come over often during the summer and swim with us. She was always full of love and laughter, and it was hard saying goodbye to someone so young. But she’s with the Lord, making the angels laugh in eternity.

Sometimes I’m blindsided by this feeling of loss. The littlest things will remind me of those who have gone before me. I cry, but I know it’s OK. It’s just my love for them and their love for me pouring over. I know I’ll experience more loss, and I know it will never get easier, but I have my family and my faith.

I can take solace in the fact that my loved ones are with the Lord, and their lives are so much better now. Knowing that they believed in Jesus as their Savior is one of the few comforts during hard times like these. Because Jesus defeated sin, death and the devil on the cross, death has lost its sting, and we are able to live eternal life with the Lord in Heaven if only we have faith.

I know I’ll see Nana, Grandpa and Auntie Carla again. In the meantime, I’ll cherish the time I had with them. I’ll spend time with those I love still with me. I’ll spend time in prayer with my Savior. I’ll keep the faith.