I'm currently at a crossroads with life; I'm stuck making a life altering and changing decision that is going to drastically change me. I am confused, I've been pulled apart into many different directions and so far I don't know what piece to follow. One of two directions can be chosen, both with drastically different outcomes. In this case, this is nothing my normal pros and cons list can fix. It's something I have to choose/chosen on my own now. It's something I needed/need to made a decision about right now in the/this moment.

As a part of this, I have came to understand that not everyone can, will, or be willing to be there for me in the way I want them or need them to be and I have to learn to be okay with that or be lonely; and at this/the moment, being lonely may/was even be better.

In life we are faced with decisions that we may not want to make; these decisions may even remind us of what wrong or right we done in our past. We're faced with the truth of who we actually are.

Personally, with the decision(s) I am faced with, I just keep thinking one single question: Who am I and why am I here? That question may seem pretty loaded, but it can also give direction and guide you in pretty much situation.

I'm being completely honest, I don't know the answer to that question. People can try and answer is for me and whatever, but I just can't sit down and think about an honest answer for myself. I known that others can give their own opinions on who they think I am, but they're not in my head like I am. No one can change me or my decisions; but maybe in this case, no answer is an answer or maybe even the best answer.

It's my choice to whether of not involve people in this decision that I'm struggling with. Its my choice to even tell anyone that I even have to make a decision. Life is all about choices and I'm beginning to learn that every choice comes with a consequence, positive or negative. Maybe I need to make this decision in a way that reflects what I want and need instead of what others want for me. Maybe I need to jus do me. Maybe I need to learn that I can't let other in.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Decide.