The phrase “This is not my year” seemed to permeate its way into most of my conscious thoughts and redundant words throughout this season of my life. This year it seemed as if my life was falling apart at the seams while everyone else’s seemed to fall into place. I was grappling with the fact that things didn’t go exactly how I had pictured them and that I wasn’t having the year I envisioned. First off, if this mirrors the emotions you have been facing throughout the duration of this year, let me start by saying I am so SO sorry. I know how crippling isolation can feel and how it seems like every single person under the sun is living their best life while you just sit on the sidelines. Second thing, you are not alone. Let me repeat, NOT alone. N-O-T. I know the depth of the loneliness you are feeling in this time of your life but hold tightly to the fact that you are not the only person enduring your tribulations, whatever they may be.
When your year is not staying on the path you laid out for it, it feels as if you have utterly failed. This year derailed when I realized the college I chose was not the “dream school” I had hoped it would be. This year, my freshman year of college, I felt l as if I had completely failed at my first year of adulthood. Though I was achieving A’s and B’s on tests, I felt as if I had scored a big fat F- in my “life course.” While everyone was out meeting future bridesmaids and groomsman I felt as if I had not made any real connections. I remember being alone in my dorm, looking on social media thinking “everyone is having the time of their life… except me”. I constantly strove to put on the front that I was perfectly content when I was the opposite. I despised facing the fact that I didn’t have the ideal college freshman year experience I had seen others obtain. Society set a certain standard of how my life should have been going and I was constantly judging myself by societies set of rules. But I didn’t realize something incredibly important. I had missed one major component that was pivotal: YOUR LIFE DOESN’T HAVE TO LOOK LIKE EVERYONE ELSE'S.
Let that really sink in. Whoa, deep stuff - amiright? Just because your life is not going down the path you envisioned, it doesn’t mean your year was meaningless. Setbacks and downfalls build character and creates growth more than when things are going your way. I know this sounds cliché but now looking back on my year, I realize I grew without even realizing. Your life doesn’t have to replicate another’s for it to become worthy. In this day and age, we are constantly comparing ourselves with images on a screen. With social media, we have a firsthand look into the lives of the people around us. Though social media can be beneficial, it often leaves us degrading our own lives while envying the lives of others. I had to learn that social media is only a highlight reel, not the full movie!! Every single person grows at different rates and in different seasons. This does not diminish one or the other. I have to constantly remind myself not to compare my journey with the journey of another. No college student out there has a picture perfect life. If you are human, you will go through beautiful seasons of life, and then some seasons that aren’t too pretty - but during those not so lovely seasons is when you learn the most about who you are and what you want out of this thing called life.
Though this year was difficult, I can ultimately conclude I have learned more about myself than ever before. The seasons of darkness teach you to appreciate the seasons of light. While realizing these things I decided to rename (and reclaim) this year from “Not My Year” to “My Year of Growth.” As my mother ingrained in my brain, it is mind over matter. I will now choose to view this year as a time of growth and discovery. I will focus on the lessons I learned and be thankful for the mistakes I made. The mistakes I made will teach me what NOT to do in future and ultimately taught me what I needed to improve on individually. I will choose thankfulness over bitterness. I will take away lessons instead of regret. Overall, I am leaving this year a wiser person than when I started. Isn’t that what life is all about? Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be good. Remember that. Tattoo it on your forehead. In your year of growth, remember to appreciate all the good in your life. Because there is so much good if only we opened our eyes to it. Lastly, if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again.
