Dear White People, Why Do You Do Such Weird Shit?

Dear White People, Why Do You Do Such Weird Shit?

Even as a white person, I am still baffled by some of the shit we do.
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I want to know why... Why do white people do such weird shit?

I mean, how could white people give us Albert Einstein, Emimen, Edgar Allen Poe, yet also, throw in Snookie and Jeffrey Dalhmer? How could a race just evolve from the Royal Throne to Toddlers and Tiaras? The only thing I can say: ya'll need to chill the fuck out.

Growing up white, I never understood white culture, similar to how I have never understood Calculus. I suffer from what I like to call: "inside-out Oreo syndrome," meaning I'm pasty white on the outside, but hood on the inside. Every day, I stroll through the white trash, hipsters, and srat stars in my neighborhood, thinking that white people do some dumb shit, like all the time. On one occasion or another, I have had a black friend genuinely ask me about the inner workings of the very common Caucasian. A couple days ago, my boss and I decided to file our to-do list away and debate about white people. Honestly, I am not a white person scientist, nor am I a model white person, so I can't answer half these questions.

So, it's up to you, the white people of the world, to riddle me this, to answer my long awaited questions.

Dear white people, why are you so petty?

You will be holding onto grudges with the same person you fucked with in middle school. This girl might have taken your pudding or played footsies with your crush, and you still aren't talking to this bitch.

Dear white people, why do you love camo so much?

You tryna hide some shit? Is it turkey season already? Do you live in woods?

Dear white people, why do you pay $8 for cigs?

Also, why don't you smoke menthols? If you are going to smoke, might as well go all in with the extra 7,000 chemicals you get with a menthol. Plus, why the fuck are you paying 8$ for a pack of American Spirits? I don't think that organic tobacco will give you that dank organic cancer.

Dear white people, what is up with the Organic obsession?

I am sure your broccoli would taste better without a side of Roundup, but that organic Oreo isn't a part of your "Mediterranean" diet.

Dear white people, why do you only drink Burnett's, Four Lokos, and Natty Light?

I understand that broke college kid pre-alcoholic life, but where is the Henny? Are we 14 and drinking in a park?

Dear white people, why do you treat your dogs like people?

This one get me. That dog is an animal. It should not be on your bed, kissing your mouth, eating your food, getting hair everywhere. Why is your dog eating better food than me??

Dear white people, why can't y'all move your hips?

Ladies, shake your ass, not your back. Guys, don't just stand there, struggling to find a beat. I believe in you.

Correct --->

Try again --->

Dear white people, why do you always have to investigate that strange noise in the haunted house?

Why are you surprised that you get killed? That's like inviting the ghost to possess you. Grab your Bible and book it, bitch.

Dear white people, why are you obsessed with Nicholas Sparks?

It's like Cinderella, except more nauseating... and unrealistic... and white. *vomits*

Dear white people, why do you love super lifted, flashy trucks?

Four words: truck sluts, micro penis.

Dear white people, why do you wear Birkenstocks with everything?

Unless your name is Jesus "MotherFucking" Christ, you can turn water into wine, die for our sins, and walk on water, you should not be wearing Jesus Sandals. Wear. Some. Real. Shoes. I don't care how comfy they are; wear some damn sneakers.

Dear white people, why do you obsess over shit like Harry Potter and Star Wars?

I get it, it's a dope story line. However, you are not a wizard. As for Star Wars, how many movies can they make? How many is this, 8? That's 7 too many.

Dear white people, why do you love Chipotle?

They don't have queso, so they aren't shit.

Dear white people, why do you love "Grey's Anatomy" so much?

It's like ER, except shittier dialogue, characters, and plot. Watch out Dr. McDreamy, George Clooney still has my heart.

And finally, dear white people, why can't you answer my questions?

White people shit.



Cover Image Credit: Snuggie / Amazon

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A Playlist From The iPod Of A Middle Schooler In 2007

I will always love you, Akon.
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Something happened today that I never thought in a million years would happen. I opened up a drawer at my parents' house and I found my pink, 4th generation iPod Nano. I had not seen this thing since I graduated from the 8th grade, and the headphones have not left my ears since I pulled it out of that drawer. It's funny to me how music can take you back. You listen to a song and suddenly you're wearing a pair of gauchos, sitting on the bleachers in a gym somewhere, avoiding boys at all cost at your seventh grade dance. So if you were around in 2007 and feel like reminiscing, here is a playlist straight from the iPod of a middle schooler in 2007.

1. "Bad Day" — Daniel Powter

2. "Hips Don't Lie" — Shakira ft. Wyclef Jean

SEE ALSO: 23 Iconic Disney Channel Moments We Will Never Forget

3. "Unwritten" — Natasha Bedingfield

4. "Run It!" — Chris Brown

5. "Girlfriend" — Avril Lavigne

6. "Move Along" — All-American Rejects

7. "Fergalicious" — Fergie

8. "Every Time We Touch" — Cascada

9. "Ms. New Booty" — Bubba Sparxxx

10. "Chain Hang Low" — Jibbs

11. "Smack That" — Akon ft. Eminem

12. "Waiting on the World to Change" — John Mayer

13. "Stupid Girls" — Pink

14. "Irreplaceable" — Beyonce

15. "Umbrella" — Rihanna ft. Jay-Z

16. "Don't Matter" — Akon

17. "Party Like A Rockstar" — Shop Boyz

18. "This Is Why I'm Hot" — Mims

19. "Beautiful Girls" — Sean Kingston

20. "Bartender" — T-Pain

21. "Pop, Lock and Drop It" — Huey

22. "Wait For You" — Elliot Yamin

23. "Lips Of An Angel" — Hinder

24. "Face Down" — Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

25. "Chasing Cars" — Snow Patrol

26. "No One" — Alicia Keys

27. "Cyclone" — Baby Bash ft. T-Pain

28. "Crank That" — Soulja Boy

29. "Kiss Kiss" — Chris Brown

SEE ALSO: 20 Of The Best 2000's Tunes We Still Know Every Word To

30. "Lip Gloss" — Lil' Mama

Cover Image Credit: http://nd01.jxs.cz/368/634/c6501cc7f9_18850334_o2.jpg

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Warcraft 3: Reforged - A legend returns

One of the top 100 games of the century makes a comeback in an epic way.

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17 years ago, the legion invaded the realm of Azeroth, forcing the different races of Humans, Orcs, Night elves, and Undead to make the most unlikely of alliances. There were those who fought for the light while the others wished to banish it. Night and day, the furnaces of Lordaeron burnt bright as the loyal dwarves of Khaz Modan hammer away the swords and shields that would aid the fight ahead.

17 years ago, the young orc warchief Thrall foresaw the fate of his people as meteors of green flames crash upon his lands. He saw the upcoming demise of his clanand ordered a mass evacuation towards a new continent where they shall be safe for generations to come. 17 years ago, the night elves felt a corruption within the Tree of Life, causing them to split into opposing factions: one fought in the name of the Goddess, while the other fought in the name of personal hatred. 17 years ago, a legion of undead came upon the shores of Lordaeron, plaguing the land and defiling the life force of the realm. That was the story of Warcraft, one that spanned continents and races only to join them together for a crucial battle of their history.

Warcraft 3: Reforged - Cinematic Trailer Youtube

Warcraft was a monument to an entire gaming generation, ranked 2nd best game of all time by German games magazine "GameStar." Its fate, however, was ultimately sealed as computing technology became better and overshadowed the old giant. Plus, with the rise of gaming consoles and handheld gaming devices, PC gaming lost its appeal slowly, and games like Starcraft or Warcraft eventually faded into oblivion.

But over on the horizon, Blizzard Entertainment came to the rescue. Following the success of their previous release of Starcraft: Remastered, they decided to come forth with their next great project: remastering Warcraft 3.

Using a new and revamped engine built over the foundations of the old one, they have rebuilt the world we once loved. Adding to that are new, high definition voices and sound effects that they recorded just for this old game. For the blurry characters of old, the team decided to upscale and remodel all present units to give them the 2019 high-def treatment they deserved. For the old user interface (UI), the development team settled on one that resembled the "Starcraft: Remastered" interface, offering more room for players to look at the gorgeous 4K character models. Also, to fit the new continuity from World of Warcraft, Blizzard opted to alter the story by a small margin, showing promising changes to the revived game.

Warcraft 3 – Original vs. Reforged Trailer Graphics Comparison Youtube

However, not everyone was hyped when the game was announced. Many gamers expressed disappointment at Blizzard's move of remastering old games instead of developing new ones. Many, feeling uncomfortable at the company's decision, took to the internet and into forums. Some fans expressed concerns over Blizzard's decision to retcon a game they hold dear Some are unhappy with the graphics not being consistent with characters: unit models look too detailed while buildings look cartoonish.

Despite all this, the general population loved the announcement at Blizzcon. As the game slowly reaches its release date of December 31, 2019, the hype can only go up from here. For those of us who can't hold their excitement, here's a video of the crowd's insane reaction to the announcement:


Warcraft 3 Crowd Reaction Youtube

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